did you hook up austin?
No! he threw up in my bathroom, made me wake up and order him jimmy johns, beat my roommate with a macaroni and cheese box, and then passed out with her in her bed
It's an acquired taste. Like keystone. Or caviar.
i need to know the scientific term for a guy's taint so i can explain what i did last night.
I'm making a conscious effort to limit my spending at the bars...i wrote "FOR CAB ONLY" on a $20 last night
Too lazy to make dinner. Had chocolate and scotch instead. Check in with me in a half hour.
Tomorrow, you will get a text, and it will bE spelled right, that's me yo, certify ya soon
Can't wait to hear which one of you won the 'fuck a bigger geek' contest last night. Queen Amidala vs Lara Croft. See you at breakfast.
I am going to go Miley Cyrus crazy if I don't get sex soon
Headline in the alligator: young zeta goes berserk after lack of sex and is found naked swinging from wrecking ball on university ave, refuses to get down until sex partner is found
we are not taking body shots with the irish cream
Didn't know where your dishes went. Put em in the bathtub. They're stacked taller than you. It's like modern art.
Why did I wake up with BYOB sharpied on my stomach
I don't even care if you were high. The fact that I've been begging for us to have those cinnamon rolls for months and you didn't even save me one is not ok.
How likely is it that we can see each other tomorrow night? I want to shave my legs in good faith but it's cold outside and my bathroom is drafty.
Kinda suprised you didn't immediately ask about the lesbian ghosts tho
You have to get it done early. Like a dick drive by. Hit it and run.
Randomize
