Successfully pulled the houdini tonight. Check that off my list.
I peed while puking? Even better
Yes you most deff did. Ultimate multi tasker you are
Just convinced airport security that im sober. All i do is win.
This hotel is not contributing to my sobriety, they have 4 kinds of free wine and beer.
This adderall has me convinced I'm an Econ major.
At home depot. Final room inspection is tmrow, gotta paint over the puke stains
I don't remember what happened but judging from the contents of my pockets it had something to do with potatoes and glo in the dark condoms
he had the kids march single file in front of us on the way home so they didn't have to watch him pulling me passed out in their wagon...
Only thing I got out of his drunken Spanish is something that sounded like "pencil sharpener." Damn rosetta stone.
I think I ate my cheesy fiesta potatoes cup.
Also, we found a geriatric Snoop Lion.
Oh and yeah that does count as public urination.
She has a bong hits for Jesus shirt. Of course I'm going to like her.
I HAD TO TAKE A SHOT OF JAGER AND SOME REDBULL JUST TO SEE IF IT’LL MAKE MY MOUTH FEEL BETTER
It's not "nice." It's the supermodel of dicks.
Randomize
