Just sold a bike on craig's list for 4 four lokos and a 40. How bad do you miss college?
just went back to the bar and asked if they found a shoe last night.
4 months of living in europe has taught me the art of making a drunken stumble look like a dance move
You called me 32 times last night just to tell me you felt a heartbeat in your vagina?
Breakfast-of-shame with my mother. I was in half of a sexy Mad Hatter costume. We had artisan bagels and judgement.
We're like Siamese twins, but joined at the genitals.
I replaced his Viagra pills with sleeping pills.
A homeless guy wouldnt accept my granola bar because he didnt have any teeth. I think i win the prize for the ultimate rejection
I think we need a list of things that are automatic NO's for dating a guy. Married, definitely a no now
I had to bail out of the tour de Franzia because I have class Saturday morning. Grad school is ruining my life
And he's back on taking these stupid testosterone supplements to kickstart him back into working out. And they just make him angry and horny all the time. I'm like great, just in time to meet my whole family for Christmas.
WHY DON'T YOU WANT TO BE MY ESKIMO BRO
Idk why more people don't drink at work ... i mean, yeah, the cash might be off tonight, but my customer service is fucking phenomenal right now
sometimes i forget what nice tits i have and then i spend a month brushing my teeth naked in the front of the bathroom mirror, and i remember.
How are they?
Amazing! These new boobs are going to break blouse buttons and wedding vows!
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