Tidal wave of highness just hit. Find shelter and catnip. gloves. zebra striped car washes.
Heb just said, and I quote, "let's go to Who's On Third and fuck a fishbowl with our mouths. I am going to fuck this van." and then he humped a van.
I drew a nude short fat middle aged woman today and liked it
It was honestly one of my favorite days in art class except for the 20 min she faced me and kept looking at me and we made eye contact
I don't understand why she gets annoyed by my drunk texts. It means she's who I'm thinking about even when my brain isn't functioning properly.
I hate ovaries. They're horrible little sacs of satanic enmity.
That's the most poetic description of female anatomy I've ever heard.
He has a burner phone just to send dick pics. It's revolutionary
Hot date tonight for the first time in months and I just cut my dick shaving. PRAY FOR ME.
The awkward moment when a lady ask you what kind of lipliner you're using, but really I have just finished eating hot cheetos.
I just made my dating life into my own game show. would you like to meet the contestants? (photos not included)
i just ran butt naked down the hall and someone highfived me. i love college.
Just checked out of walmart with a 30 pack of Budlight and a wiffle bat. Hello, Monday night.
no real plans this weekend. trying to derail the alcohol induced fucking hell train I've been riding for the past three weeks.
I had to pee so bad that I snuck into the bathroom while they were in the shower. At her request, he was massaging her boobs so they could grow faster. Also there was a laser light machine.
So how often do you needs to see my tits today then?
Can’t. It’s taco and dick night.
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