I think tonya harding is in my dwi class!
Ask her how she and Jeff Gillooly split the cats after the divorce.
Woke up in a pool of alcohol sweat. Probably could wring out my sheets and make a decent cocktail.
I feel like one of those toads that you lick to get high or find a prince.... cept when you lick me you find a drunk whore.
just when i thought things couldnt get worse, the batteries died in my vibrator.
my mom just asked me what a queef is. she needs to stop watching south park
I can't wait to get all this Makers out of my shoe.
i jsut feel off the bus, but its ok the driver let me back on. a woman hid her baby from me..
If you're not going to call the girls I bring around by name, at least don't call them by number. It's been cockblocking since girl #47. Dick.
It got heated then she just left and I was all alone in the women's restroom.
I yelled kanye while he was fucking me. It just felt right
I just saw a guy in a hazmat suit riding a tractor.
You're the only guy I know who could convince a lady at the pharmacy to trade you her pain pills for your antibiotics.
I mean, we were all drinking, but I'm pretty sure kidnapping came up.
so he'll eat food out of a dumpster but he won't lick your ass?
It wasn't until after we began having sex again the next morning I realized I didn't know his name.
If I say I hate myself for it does it make it any better?
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