he just watched a baby story on tlc while high and just called me screaming he never wants me to get pregnant
then he said we can't have sex anymore because ill hate him.
Whyyyyy do my fingers smell like Chinese food.
I just met his wife...she told me they have been having marriage problems and are spending his paychecks on marriage counseling...then she cried on my shoulder...NOW i feel like a bitch.
Hold on there are flying pancakes I can't handle this right now
I'm crying, drinking alone and applying for jobs tonight. I figure the alcohol will lower my job standards.
he can show you his cooooock\nshining, shimmering, splendiddddd
Steve is gonna hang his bear rug on the wall because he doesn't trust us not to have sex on it...
Holding a cold bottle of mikes hard lemonade against my pulverized taint....this is my Sunday night
No if my life depended on you fingering me just let me die
She just made out with a golden retriever. I'm disgusted and turned on all at once
First week is awesome. Freshman girls prancing around everywhere like newborn baby deer looking for a dick to jump on
I say this out of love and friendship. Eat ice cream not the d.
My husband found the cock ring I bought my FWB. I told him it was napkin holder and he believed me. And that’s why I need a side dick
I didn’t spend $100 for a wax to sit here and listen to you FT your brother to complain about how bad the Jets are.
If you survived your 72 hour masturbation marathon put on some pants and come over. My mom dropped off a lasagna.
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