I am too high to leave where I am...And they are listening to Stained. This is my living hell.
needless to say, I hope she has to get an abortion again
Nothing says I've got my life together like buying a jumbo bottle of 7$ wine in sweat pants on a monday night
All I remember is you introducing yourself to the entire basketball team using the line "I'll show you a slam dunk."
Its official, drinking for 15 hours counts as a suicide attempt
I would sacrifice a finger for two more hours of sleep.
Piñatas plus fireworks don't mix well
And that was the night we had mind-blowing sex with the score from Raiders of the Lost Ark blaring on vinyl in the background...
she doesn't even know what year it is. She just stumbles around life with a bottle of rum
For a guy who won't fuck me, your dick is out a lot when we talk.
Blacked out and showed everyone my nudes. They toasted to my nudes, and I got an outstanding ovation.
If I don't answer right away it's because I took an Adderall and the fridge needs cleaned.
Weight watchers just said "you've tracked beer three times recently, want to make it one of your favorites?" I'm begining to understand why I needed to go in the first place.
I'm not too sure what happened last night, but by the looks of it, we must have gotten drunk with zebras.
I'm not saying it wasn't great. I'm just saying sleeping with a gassy, depressed,45 year old mother was a different experience. Would do it again though.
Randomize
