I hope you're ready because I look like an elf on crack had a baby in the medieval era and that baby grew up to be a whore
wait can you just look around please? that was my favorite bra and i've already asked like 3 other guys
It's 9:30am and I've already blown three loads. Reason #101 I love 25 year old girls.
New Years Resolution for 2011 : QUALITY cock. Not quantity.
Dude.. You paid a stripper $50 to listen to you cry last night.
coming from the girl bound and determined to pee in the snow
why would you restrict a girl of that
We picked up some guys dressed as shamrocks at taco bell. I will text you with further information.
My boss just sent an employee on an hour long paid break to pick up weed for our 'staff meeting' tomorrow morning.
Honestly I'm so excited to go to bed I feel as if I don't deserve to be in my early twenties.
He's sweet and rough. A wonderful contradiction. He's the starburst of sex.
He looked at me and just said "moist". The entire party shut down from uncomfortableness. He is an anti-party wizard.
Just because you have put things in my vagina does not mean you know me
Also I'd apologize for texting you flipping my shit about the science of hair growth while I was shrooming last night but we know each other better than that
After I asked for my 6th Gin & Tonic, the look on the flight attendant's face started to make me feel bad about myself.
When your grandma invites you to a sweet girls' Valentine's dinner with your mom and sister, but you have to decline because you're trying to get two dudes to rail you at once...
Randomize
