Did I ever tell you that the first person i made out with cried?
I blacked out in 45 minutes and woke up with a missed call from someone I saved in my phone as the karate kid.
I'm thinking of having one or both of my boobs out. They're small but they're mighty.
I projectile vomited into my sink. Jealous?
Kind of. My puke would have just dribbled down my chin and missed the sink completely.
Ohh that happened after I started to cry.
pretty sure I just motor boated my professor at the drag show
I just did the classiest thing ever.
last time you said that you got chlamydia.
We had sex on my friends waterbed ..after that the whole school kept asking him if he had fun getting "sea-sick" last night.
i'm satisfied with the level of pretty that his new girlfriend isn't.
He's like Medusa, you can't look directly into his eyes or you'll turn into a slut.
The penis is a tricky weapon to use. When using it as leverage you have to make it seem emotional. I'd rather use it as a club sometimes.
Now the circle is complete. Just interviewed a guy who was a higher up member of the team I worked for in my job before this place
got a blowjob in the bar bathroom, got arrested for public intoxication, and found a big bag of weed on the ground on my walk home from the station. my friday night could have been a movie
Don't mention it
Just endorse me for cunnilingus on LinkedIn
The sad moment you remember you have no power for a week and can't flush.....
Wrong number bro but that sounds like a damn shame.
its as if im in a choose your own adventure book. except im not the reader and someone else is choosing my fate...one awesome decision at a time.
Randomize
