they had a keg party to fund her abortion.
PS: the photo I uploaded for this internship site is the same one i used for my fake ID. I like to keep it classy.
im trying to catch a child molester. call you later.
I'm glad you trust me to be your sex stat keeper.
IS SOBER OCTOBER A THING?? WTF WHO ARE THESE PEOPLE?
Just found dollar bills in my sheets. What part of the weekend am I forgetting?
Nah I've been there. The worst you'll see is some hobo peeing in a sewer at 3 am on a Saturday
Company sent me first class out of state, got so drunk on the plane I started handing out pillows and blankets to the people in coach
also somebody did cough syrup and i was really worried but i couldn’t express why properly so i was like MACKLEMORE SAYS NO
Great news. I WILL BE FUCKING IN A BOUNCY HOUSE TOMORROW.
You literally just told me you're ditching me because of pizza. PIZZA? Wow.
can i get licensed in dentistry online like a priest
I'm not sure. I have to find the Greeks I was with last night and see if they can explain to me why I can't hear out of my right ear and why I look like I got the shit kicked out of me
The bride is so wasted, she fell into her cake.I wanna be on her level
Why did you have to tell me he has a hammer cock? Now I can’t stop staring at his pants.
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