i just told my mom tuesday boozeday rhymes so that she can remember not to text or call me on wednesday mornings
youre going to kill that woman one of these days
Best text conversation ever. Other than the one we had about using blood for lube.
Once you realized you couldn't finish the 30 you started walking down the street and leaving a beer in everyone's mailbox
those 9 inches of man changed my life forever.
I'm bringing a flask to the test on friday. If I'm gonna fail at least I can enjoy the experience
Ya. I was the definition of a shit show. I woke up outside my door when my alarm went off
Thanks for letting me use your ID, there's $120 along with your ID in the mail to cover the Urinating in public fine I got last night....sorry
I just power puked in the office bathroom.. blew blood vessels in my eyes and now I'm ready for a donut.... success
The most humiliating part was that I farted while he was tasing me.
We compared her boobs to bacon. I'm probably going to have to justify that.
fuck Derek. I choose weed. weed isn't angry and would never ask me to be someone I'm not.
Idk how I even got accepted into college because literally the only things my brain ever thinks about are YouTube videos of baby animals and sex.
Honestly who turns down a free blowjob?
I am literally this close to screaming out my window if anyone nearby was down to fuck. I am too damn horny.
Man I can't believe I took a huge dump in a public garden
Randomize
