I slayed a troll last night at BC guess i thought i was back in college
You give one guy a hand job and suddenly everyone wants to get with you
the last thing i remember is unlocking the door. its like i was literally opening the door to my blackout
he drank a monster margarita at dinner. had to ask me if it was dollars or minutes that ended in 60.
nyquil sex gave me 6 orgasms so I support that
i have wind burn on my face from my head hanging out the window of the cab vomitting
Apparently someone switched my cash for monopoly money after midnight so I couldn't get any more drinks at the bar
You got cut off after you tried to make the dog funnel moscato.
6 tequila shots, 3 kamikazes and 1 rumplemintz.. The next day I puked in my office trash can while doing payroll. I may have to dock my own pay for lack of class.
You should be glad you didn't come with last night. I watched pirate porn for the first time in my life as the 9th wheel.
Still dying that you shit outside
I think I may have just taught my whole hall how to give a good blow job. So this is college.
getting busted for public urination is like, a step above j-walking. you'll be fine
How did I get the fat lip, while puking I may or may not have sneezed... Wacking my face into the toilet bowl...
I walked in..crop dusted the whole place then asked her if she wanted to go to a place that smells better.
You were always a thinker
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