I felt like helen keller
But she could have totally found that shit before me
i turned job hunting into a drinking game..
And then I have a slight inkling that I went up to the bar and tried to order the bartender.
come on down! you are the next contestant on the night is drunk!
the only consolation to the fact that i puked in public today was that i did it down a storm drain... so at least i am a responsible public puker
I found the hair cut I want on the girl in the porno I'm watching. now really sure how to show my stylist.
I will give you 100$, a blow job a day for a month and I will shave my legs according to societal standards until next November if you come recuse me from my night class right NOW.
We see some guy emerge from the forest on the island this morning, alone, in only a snuggie. Morning shots and bagels on us for the number one walk of shame.
Well who could blame her. I would run away from me if I could.
Dude, you were so wasted she couldn't wait. She was grinding your face while you were passed out in the yard.
Somehow my family started talking about sex toys at breakfast.
Officially spring today. First sighting of loud-ass Steller Jay on the balcony.
who knew rolling through the dorm on a scooter in footie pajamas would attract so many guys. he said i'm his soulmate.
His parents bailed him out, the police said they found him on a curb trying to call people on his wallet, hahha. He had his wallet open to his ear callin people
my ex finally blocked me on all social media and tbh I'm only pissed because his roomate just got a puppy
Randomize
