Just once id like a girl to say to me in the dracula voice, i want...to suck...your dick...
If I had a nickel for every time somebody called me a bad person I would have enough money to check into rehab
It's a pity Stephen Hawking can't do sarcasm.
I just typed my entire senior project presentation on my blackberry,
I miss waking up, opening the closet downstairs, and finding you inside passed out.
I think this breakup is Gods way of telling me I deserve a bigger dick
Your penis has nothing to do with my throat infection, sorry...
found a cell phone. in the freezer. wrapped in bologna. explain?
Thanks be to the Goddess of Whores!! I straightened my bed before Ken got here. Found Calvin's boxers in the sheets!!!!
Mike showed up naked and in handcuffs. Again. Feel free to come over and laugh because I'm not helping this time.
I said that I'm avoiding parties and guys, and the freshman girl just laughed
Like real life can suck my metaphorical dick right now.
One of those days. Also, your pants are now in my protective custody.
I mean of all the things to be cockblocked by, Taco Bell is pretty high on the list
we panicked because we couldn't find you anywhere, but then we found you tripping in the bathtub with Marie's cat. there was no water. you thought there was water, though.
Randomize
