Have you learned any life lessons?
I like big butts and I cannot lie.
This cookie i'm eating tastes like pizza. It was so worth contacting my sister for pot.
last night i found where hot topic managers go to die after they get fired.
My student's should feel privledged to see me tuesday after the amount of alcohol I consumed this weekend.
I'm going to listen to christmas music to trick my body into cooling off.
i'm way too high for it to be safe that i just discovered i have a fire extinguisher
New life rule, no banging opera singers. I might be a little deaf now
We found him in the neighbors shed using a bicycle as a blanket. We just left him there.
You showed up at 4 a.m with two middle-aged men, a 200 dollar bottle of wine, three bottles of beer, no shoes on, and a half eaten red velvet cake.You are never drinking absinthe again.
You went in the back with her.. And honestly I couldn't tell her neck from her tits man..
I deflowered you on valentines day. I AM THE BEST AT ROMANCE. LOVE ME.
He could only go twice. I need a guy with more stamina and is less married
The only person who DOESN'T think it's a horrible idea to sleep with my ex is my therapist. Obviously I trust her judgement above all others.
Dinner at 5, shrooms at 10.
I’m going to give his broken heart CPR with my vagina
Randomize
