there hasn't been a girl guy ratio this good since a guy jumped on one of the Titanic life rafts
If he doesn't notice me by the next party, i'm just gonna go up to him and pll his pants down and blow him.
Sounds like a plan.
Just grabbed my laptop and a beer to take a shit. Mom gave me a look of disgust. I miss college.
Someone jacked my earrings off me or I threw em in the toilet again
I hate when that happens
I believe its time to stop celebrating Thanksgiving. I've been drunk for over a week. If my liver doesn't give out, and I'm not pregnant I will truly have something to be thankful for.
Feeling better?
I can stand long enough to do the dishes finally. Been trying that all day.
Nothing says never again like hurling in the shower.
You said that you were drinking out of a pan, and then went on to apologise to 'Jesus and all the other guys' for drinking on a Sunday.
Can you bring home bongs? Like all the bongs. I need bongs
don't act like you've never hung your towel on your dick after getting out of the shower
nothing says "fuck you jocks from high school my life is better than yours" like bringing 5 grand in 20s to the bar
then a garbage truck rolls up to the club, they hop out, and walk right in like they own the place
Date with Air Force guy was nice btw. And for my next trick I'll talk him into fucking me in his fighter jet at 30,000 ft.
i was too drunk before they even got here. i took all their phones instead of keys and hid them in the freezerr...im an awesome party host.
I always want to see you. Honestly my only hesitation is that my ass is still kind of sore from Sunday 🥺
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