either we just had an earthquake or I am really good @ masturbating
you know what its like when everyone is chanting "do it, do it"...still friends?
answered a 6 am booty call this morning...you were still in the er so I thought what the hell
You told the cop at mobil to keep it real and look both ways before crossing the street.
You said that you were drinking out of a pan, and then went on to apologise to 'Jesus and all the other guys' for drinking on a Sunday.
speaking of creep .. love how I kept touching strangers faces at the bar ... and saying "Don't worry I'm a dermatologist"
You don't put off sexcapades. Life lesson #1.
I would rather burn my vagina off with a damn flame thrower before I would touch anything that has touched her skank ass.
who started the 'put a scrunchy' around his balls' game?
The dude at Coffee Bean just handed me my tea latte and whispered, "pomegranate blueberry is such a sexy flavor". With a wink. I'm almost certain that there's an STD floating around in my drink.
Company sent me first class out of state, got so drunk on the plane I started handing out pillows and blankets to the people in coach
It feels like the devil is humping my brain with his razor sharp erection.
the only things my left hand does: catch/hold things and masturbation.
I guarantee you he will only fuck with old bitches from now on
fell asleep while jerking off ln. woke up to my hand in my pants and my cat crawling all over me
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