Jake died.
WTF????????? That's how you tell me????
Oops typo. Jake cried.
there is a priest convention in the hotel. i feel like god is laughing at me.
she thought the capital of kansas was topanga.
The smoke alarm went off as soon as we opened the closet.
I just saw the Mona Lisa in the background of a porno. Whole new appreciation for art. fuck you I'm cultured.
Literally best acid trip ever. Better than sex. At one point she looked over at me, started crying, holds up her hands and said "dinosaur tears of sadness". Craziest roommate ever.
Its a good night to get drunk in my onesie.
I don't know what I'm more pleased with, the blowie last night or that fact that there's still 20 dollars in my wallet
Please tell me you aren't concussed from dancing on the stripper pole
Well sort of got busted by a cop while having sex outside, so your call
He woke me up because I was snoring and went for a second round. First time I'm happy that I snore
So...a chick sucked my crank...now her dog is licking my feet. I feel like a pharoh on vacation.
I learned the hard way a garbage bag will not save you when jumping from a tree at 2am
You just thought it would be a good idea to show your penis to your best friend. No harm, no foul.
Didn't know my clit could produce that many orgasms in one night. Fuck my husband; think I might have to become a lesbian.
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