im 80% sure the guy across from me is taking pictures of my legs
We all just poured out a sip of our drinks for you. One for our pussy whipped homie.
she asked if she could keep her bee antennas on during her mugshot. i love halloween.
Definitely just blazed with the housekeeper. That woman needs a raise
He poured the shots. We did them together. I cheersd him out of the shower
Why the fuck is the royal wedding at 4am. That is obviously not the most appropriate time to drink during finals. It's like I'm bound to fail, by royal decree.
I saw you eating fruit and doing shots off people passed out
I am sitting here. Drinking from a bottle of vodka. Eating shredded cheese from a bag and waiting on him to pick me up after he finishes with his girlfriend. This is what dreams are made of.
just thought you should know it took me an hour and a half to make soup. I had to keep laying on my kitchen floor. being 21 is hard.
I just took a shower and found half a cookie melted under my boob. Please tell me there's a reason
oh and speaking of men I've slept with. Ryan lost 1/3 of a testicle zip lining
I arrived home at 7am wearing nothing but my underwear and a fedora. I ate half a dozen deviled eggs. Put Katy Perry on repeat. And cried myself to sleep. We cannot go out on Thursday anymore
The more time I spend surrounded by Mormons, the more I miss alcohol.
I'm going to tell you something and I want no judgement because it's america day and I'm wearing an American flag bathing suit but...I woke up in a yard.
I'm drunk and kinda wanna go home but now I have to go have more sex, my boxers are in the dryer
Randomize
