he started yelling "this is my pussy" mid thrust
If it wasnt for my iphone and loopt, I would still be wandering the streets in a drunken stooper. Thanks Steve Jobs.
you need to know that there is a kid here wearing an i mosh for Jesus shirt
Found a cheerleading trophy in my shower this morning. Explain.
Please stop using the dehumidifier for your weed.
I was talking to some girls while you were falling off your bar stool into the person next to you.
370HSSV 0773H read that upside down
what are you doing with your life
I felt so bad for you. Drunk Rachael wanted nothing more than to crawl into the cop car and give you a hug. Luckily Mollied/Barred out Rachael convinced Drunk Rachael this was a terrible idea. So I ran. I have your keys btw
My date just wheeled me home in a shopping cart but it was normal
So good news, aparently I blacked out and tried to go in the back of the mcdonalds to thank the people for makin my fries
Making a me burrito to ward off the cold...and the aloneness of my vagina
We just weren't working out together, on a completely unrelated note some guy that i talked to on his grinder account said i could crash at his place
I envy your ninja level of don't give a fuck
I will be DAMNED if anyone but me breastfeeds my cat.
Yo whoever left a thong on the dining room table, first of all get help second of all please remove it now
on a campus of 30,000 people, i should not be able to see every single guy I've ever hooked up with at one party.
Randomize
