guess who was drunk and crawling in the middle of the road and got brought home by the police last night? HINT: ME
just thought you should know that she got home at about 6am.... totally wasted. she was locked out and when i finally came to the door she was on a patio across the street with some random making hotdogs on somebodys elses bbq.
Yea i traded my bed for half a bag of jimmy johns jalepno chips, am I proud of it no, Am I happy I did it? yes
I wonder what gingers are like in bed...as awkward as their hair or just as unique as it...?
I'll be there in 5 min. If not, read this again.
Your "OraGel will numb anything" theory was the worst thing I ever believed in.
Hey, I didn't ask that stripper to put her unds in my mouth, it was just covered by the plus package fee I ordered.
I am trying to think of a way to tell him about thanksgiving and the following weekend in a way that makes me sound funny and exciting and not like an alcoholic
Where did this racoon skin hat, stop sign and bag full of tacos come from?
Narnia or $5 pitcher night either way
yeah, you could tell they werent used to the strange things that i say. they were all outright shocked when i told one guy i hoped someone kidnapped him and stretched his dickhole over a fire hydrant
When we left, you were on your third beer. When we came back to grab you, you had a pint glass half full of whiskey and had convinced the band to give you a microphone.
There is a severe lack of banging on that itinerary... I'd like a revision on my desk within the hour
mom how many of the songs from my childhood are mexican drinking songs?
all of them.
Never thought I'd say this, but getting head from a skeleton was better than I thought. Happy Halloween
And somehow in between all the vomitting you managed to mumble "Well this is attractive!" And I swear that's when I fell in love. Best. First. Date. Ever!
Randomize
