I may have told her we're dating for a handjob, Fake tits are overrated.
Best walk of shame ever - Brown Hennesy shirt, bright blue overly large basketball shorts, stilettos from night before - ended up buying a ton of 40's and a 30 pack of coors.
Where are you?
A place I should not be.
I just took a dump by candlelight. I feel like a pilgrim.
Some girl just asked us for directions back to campus. we told her to take the first four lefts. We live on a block. she believed us
If we were to wake in ur bed together, what are the 3 words you would say to me?
Get out now.
i'm trying to figure out what goes best with beef ramen. a 2007 merlot or a 2008 pinot noir? i'm leaning toward the pinot noir.
at least i was responsible enough to take off my shoe and throw up in it
It's like a puppy that we have to take care of at all times or else she'll get sad, lonely, and chew on the furniture. And by 'chew on the furniture', I mean have anonymous sex.
Ps, did you know if you google "drunk jenga", you're the first image that shows up?
I have hit nutritional rock bottom I am spreading peanut butter on to lays potato chips
I come back upstairs and there he was sitting in a speedo. He handed me a blanket and said "let's cuddle" how is this real life?
trying to figure out why the only thing in our freezer is an expired loaf of bread, a white t shirt, and a receipt from taco bell for 37.50 from last Friday
Woke up to my asscrack filled with melted Reese's Pieces. Halloween parties are so weird here man
She looks like a hot George Washington...I'm going for it
Guess whose grandma smokes weed?
Randomize
