No, asshole. I'm not gay. But if I was I think I would do better than fucking Nick Lachey.
I'm pretty sure he came before I knew he was inside me.. Didn't think that was his plan when he said he was gonna do things I've never experienced before
thanks for not screaming that I'm pregnant when that guy was giving me his number.
Who the hell brings a 6pack to a party. I'm trying to make mistakes.
No dude, you can't hot box a bus shelter.
Is it weird that I want your dad to go down on me?
new years resolution, not be in jail at midnight for 3rd year in a row.
We're going to shave my junk and take pictures of it wearing fake mustaches we found at the dollar store. They're uncannily realistic; much better than the cockstaches of my youth.
so i guess now we know you can get away with peeing mere feet from the Capitol if you shout IM PREGNANT at the guards
While you were hooking up with her I pulled you off to make sure you knew what you were doing.
You said you were "testing the product for Chris."
I'm a bad man.
We got back from Mcdonalds and literally 5 minutes of being in your room, you wanted to go back because "We haven't been yet."
I usually don't buy birthday presents for my booty calls
But you'll make an exception
probably not
He is sitting on the foor in the soup aisle saying "to each their own soup"
Of the two of us, which one has licked a drag queen's tit in the past 5 days?
This fucking storm better not ruin my sex plans this weekend
Randomize
