Black Friday shoppers are ridiculous. I think I just watched a marriage end.
i should not be allowed to orgasm that much in one day.
It's what America was founded on: former hookups referring you for a job four years later.
Omg. One night stands are not supposed to show up to your swim class the morning after. Worst lesson ever.
The intern claims someone glued plastic eyeballs to his penis last night. He going to show everyone in the conference room at 3pm. There is a $5 cover charge.
Things I had in my bed when I woke up: an avocado, a toilet brush, and a note that says thanks but no thanks with the number of taco bell on it. WHAT DID I DRINK?
Please tell me there isn't another video of me on the toilet...
The second time he came it projectile shot in my ear
We were in a spooning position and it shot all the way up. He was like sorry. Physics.
I'm gonna make some noodles and go to bed. Hopefully I don't fall into the stove or something.
Oh man, are we repeating last 4th of July?!
That shouldn't even be a question, it's a tradition now. Hope your manhood is ready.
I'm told I threw my cigarettes at the TV one by one Shouting about the cast of Community.
Well, let's just say, I got that eye patch like we were joking about
I might as well walk around wearing a sandwich board and accept the fact that I'm dying single.
I am naked, and drinking straight gin with a flat tonic chaser. I had such greater hopes for myself as a child.
yea...tonic water is fucking gross.
He punched me in the face while giving him road head, because he was driving stick. I shit you not.
Randomize
