It's a sad day when you realize you are no longer above fucking in movie theater bathrooms.
I think I just saw the silver monkey from legends of the hidden temple sitting out in someone's trash
GO. BACK. NOW.
is it bad that the only reason i knew what antidote meant in class today, was from years of playing pokemon?
Is it weird that I found myself thinking of that blue chick from Avatar while she gave me head after the movie?
Well hello freshman 15, didn't see you there until I tried on last years summer clothes.
Hey man, sorry I chased you around the house with a small table.
How the fuck did you end up in a tree? With multiple people?
If I die, I leave all my liquor in my apartment to you. Be a drunk bitch at my funeral. I wouldn't want it any other way.
I wrote my name on his balls in sharpie. In the homosexual world that's like a diamond ring. Shits permanent.
I was talking to another guy at the bar last night and all of a sudden a flying piece of Sausage lands on my boobs. Then I hear my boyfriend yell, "just marking my territory."
They tried to dine n dash at dennys and the waiter jumped on their car and broke their windshield
Whenever I'm not in the mood and don't want to go to bed swampy, I just strategically suck him off during the second period intermission of the Cup playoffs and he leaves me alone and does the dishes. It's a win-win.
My RA just sigh me high as fuck acting like a zombie and scratching at my door. Thoughts?
Haha never eat brownies from a guy with batman pajamas
Then you got drunk and shit in her car. Nothing before that matters. She isn’t calling you back.
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