Just saw a white stretch Hummer limo outside of CiCi's pizza. Way to live up to the stereotypes, Alabama.
Mom is telling us about the time she drank her own breast milk. Help.
theyre selling pepper spray in the courtyard. hellooo atl
I think "banned from Amtrak due to excessive projectile vomiting" would sum up the evening quite nicely.
We are going out Saturday. Oh and we might also be jousting on bikes.
I bruised my spine.. Jungle gyms were clearly not meant for sex.
I just feel like a little gay dolphin in a massive sea
I caught him with his head in the spinach bag this morning. He was laughing demonically saying, "i love spinach, yes I do."
you don't know what its like to have your bartender tell you that you owe him beer money infront of your mother at 3pm on a tuesday
If throwing a bottle across the bar, hitting a skank in the head and not getting caught was an Olympic event, you'd bring merica the gold every time
And anyway at least being paid in opium makes a cool story
I was gonna drive but when i tried to use telekinesis to get my keys, I knew I shouldn't be driving
You have more time for sex than anyone I know.
new low: I blocked him from seeing my snapchat story in hopes he will text me because he'll be afraid I'm dead or something
We are taking a shrt nap on the sidewalk cme fine me if you want but dont wake me up
Randomize
