my fingers and penis are no longer on speaking terms. My penis is too jealous of where my fingers get to go.
And by the way, how is me getting head even remotely comparable to you fucking 3 guys?
So I'm on the can right now reading a court transcript for an appeal. Some dude is paying $155 an hour for me to take a shit.
Just saw 30+ dicks. Explain later.
Saw on the news tonight that Hamilton county's syphilis rate is 9x the national average...use protection!
Thanks, mom.
My tweets this weekend consisted of me telling every bar I went to that they were my favorite valentine. I've never felt like more of an alcoholic
We're Scorpios. We're like dogs rolling in whatever smells good to us.
Did we pole dance in front of my boss last night or was it just me?
What part of don't open in front of your kids didn't you understand? Astroglide, magnums, fuzzy handcuffs and a blindfold are going to be hard to explain as friends presents.
Yes I am wallowing. There is a significant lack of cookie dough
I'd just like to formally thank you for the size of your dick. The gods must really love you.
HOLY FUCK I almost floated out of the city. Thank god my dog kept me down.
He added me on LinkedIn while I was baking weed brownies in the boxers he left here... Is this adulthood?
Not sure if your roommate speaks German while sleeping, or if she woke up, figured out we were fucking, and used German to swear at us.
I deleted your number after I found out you gave my brother head for drugs.
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