I'm not ok right now. I just walked in on a 600lb woman passed out on the toilet and she walked out and tried to eat her cell phone. I'm on acid I think.
i just picked a peanut m&m up off the floor. with my toes. and then proceeded to eat it.
All I remember from last night is puking up a box of cheeze-its and the building catching on fire.
This girl has a second refrigerator that she uses JUST for liquor, her kitchen chairs are kegs AND she can grill. I'm not coming back.
"Whiskey Cheerios" was a terribly great idea.
God you people are gross. Come collect your unconscious friend.
Did you just reference Ludacris during my possible pregnancy scare of 2012?!
I'm gonna give him birthday punches. On the dick. With my mouth.
I might have beaten my fastest all time record going from "I really really like this girl" to "fuck that bitch"
I just got back to our room ....neither of us spent the night there but both our beds are occupied. send help.
Its like her house is inhabited by 50 year old lesbian water color artists with a throw pillow fetish
I'm sorry, that really sucks. I'm in the bath eating lasagna and if anyone comes in here it's going to be bad news for them
Send me a picture of our booze closet. I'm homesick.
I think this is the first time I heard a lesbian version of baby it's cold outside.
Is it acceptable to respond to a declaration of love with 'and I love your dick'? Asking for a friend who shares a name and possibly a phone number with me. Entirely coincidental.
Randomize
