I don't even have to sign up for karaoke at duncans anymore. The karaoke ppl just sign me up themselves. Without my consent. I also sang stacys mom to some lady named Stacy who's mom died yesterday.
Got blown by one of the bridesmaids. Family BBQ today. They all know. Talk about awkward.
PS- I just stirred my mimosa with a slice of bacon
He spent 6 hours at the ER after crashing a motorcycle and still came to the bar, Ofcourse I went home with him. He's my hero.
Someone else needs to become the bad example in our group
But you wear shame so well
It felt like he was juggling my kidneys with the head of his penis... If you could even call it that, it was more like a lochness monster. Huge and mythical.
If you have a glass table... Put it up. I don't wanna hurt myself again, I just got my stitches out...
Tell her to buy some booze and drink away her sorrows like an adult.
Bring your friend that fell asleep in the bathroom for my friend.
This isn't fair. Why can't sober me be good at bejeweled?
I was just informed that I have the perfect belly button for body shots... Best compliment ever.
And to top it off I think that was the first time in history that anyone has used "oh just taking care of her grandmother and doing porn" in the same sentence.
I have two bottles of emergency tequila stashed under my desk at work.
if being 21 means slamming 99 cent margaritas at 3:00 in the afternoon on a Tuesday then call me Peter Pan IM NEVER GROWING UP
Can you cover for me after lunch? I’ve never seen a guy who cums as much as my new Side Dick so now I need to clean the house before my husband gets home
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