Whats up?
Drunk as a mother trucker with panties on her thumbnail..laying thee down
Stay up. I'm coming home in a little
Ill try..hurry!!!! Thine hour awaits you
Wait, we're on the hunt for addys and explosives. They're both in this house somewhere.
I bought a zebra print bikini, I'm gonna be honest here- if he doesn't want to have sex with me in this, he's gay.
someone left their shoes, a resume, and a pizza in the shower... i am actually speechless
He fucked a visibly pregnant girl. It doesn't get weirder than that.
I've reached too hung over to move status will you bring me something to drink?
I moved out 2 weeks ago remember?
Can you ship it to me then?
I'm in that weird half-dead, half fucked-simultaneously-in-every-orifice-by-a-bus-and-it-wasn't-a-good-time state.
When my mom found out he was a high school drop out she was like "seriously? Can we raise the bar a little higher next time kels?" So my moms pretty cool
To the point, I hope I remember where to put my dick when I finally get laid again
You have a 50 50 chance
You know, this is NOT how I pictured my life would be when I was younger, and yet here we are.
I was 40 minutes late to work today because I was getting fucked. Walked in to discover that it's apparently performance review day. Employee of the year.
On a brighter more disgusting note...... I think I just shart myself but I'm too afraid to find out.
On a scale of 1-10 I’m at biblical violence
I can't get past the whole vibrator up the ass stunt.. Can we have a ceremonial burning for his dignity because I will not ever touch that again..
Just to let you know we went to the circus yesterday...in case you didn't remember
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