How do you wash franks red hot sauce, whip cream, grapejuice and shame out of silk?
I would just throw it away. You cant just wash out shame, it has to soak for like a month.
Fuck the gym. I just shaved m'cooch and my pants now fit looser.... Dont judge me.
You can't just say things like "great depression theme party" and then not respond.
Turns out, his fucking is as lame and staggered as his NFL career.
Just received a visit from the Ghost of Bad Decisions Past. Kind of weird 90% of the flashbacks happened in the same sixteen month span, the rest happened at Taco Bell.
Maybe it's just my body's way of telling me I don't need pinky toes. Like I'm the next evolutionary leap or something...
Just saw a midget on an elliptical. Epic.
His flight is delayed. Mother Nature is delaying me from sex.
Got done with class, now I'm buying MD 2020 with the ex. Sure feels like college.
I'm so stoned I just sat here for like at least 45 min thinking about how I would get some jack in the box tacos if only I knew where my wallet was and then I kind of blinked and finally noticed I had literally been staring at my wallet the ENTIRE fucking time
Lol I wish they went straight to your cock then shot out into my mouth like a cock nacho dispenser
I sexted him with a GIF from titanic and it worked....
I'm pretty sure I just came a kidney stone..
Dick is the cure to depression. I'm almost positive. And cough syrup.
I need you to know I’m weirdly very sexually attracted to Charlie Puth now
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