Well, emily woke up in Hoboken, cati woke up in jersey city, and i woke up in brooklyn....and our hotel room we rented in the city remained empty. Best birthday yet.
i have a reoccuring irrational fear i'm going to walk in on my dad masterbating. Night.
I'd give my left nut to see you
don't do that. I like the set
I feel like I should put "don't judge me" in the special instructions for the pizza guy.
Does puking on your bio final mean I can retake it?
I'd be surprised if he had a problem with boundaries after helicoptering his penis in front of you
you kept yelling "this bitch stole my phone" to the guy who found you passed out in the parking lot
Trying to coordinate a drug deal while taking a psych test is not easy.
I just spent 20 minutes in a Subway trying to take a candid photo of the doppleganger of the guy I lost my virginity to instead of eating. That's all the evidence I need that my life is on track.
I have an erection and I'm about to go through airport security.
i cant believe we used adam and eve as a sexting theme last night
I need to reevaluate. My boss gave me drug money. I overslept on my couch. And I had my student teacher go to McDonald's and get an egg mcmuffin for me.
You HAVE to stop telling me about the shit you do drunk. I can't be both your brother AND your gay friend.
The UTI came back with a vengeance.
I'm not fucking any of these fools. But if they want to buy me Olive Garden, that's their business.
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