Dude, totally just found out that I've been washing my hair with semen for the past 3 weeks.
I should have kept drinking, a coma can't be as bad as this hangover
i've already watched her fall off the steps, walk up on our porch and try to dance with the dog, and stumble across the street to stand outside the neighbors window...is it taking it too far to watch this rando girl and some guy have sex behind our parking lot now?
I wasnt that drunk. Throwing the table off the third story was totally logical.
Don't know how I even got in. I pulled my id out and threw it at the bouncer, and he just picked it up, checked it, and let me in.
i gave him a hand job with one hand and held the 40 with the other. this is like freshman year all over again.
And yes, in case u were wondering a 25 year old high school agriculture teacher did just hit on me At Walmart bc of my pinata
I will tell my future kids about the time I went to the bar with a stomach virus. Like a champ.
I like you as a friend, but I'm in love with your dick.
I ran into the bouncer who kicked me out of that beach bar a few months ago. I told him I'd only been thrown out of two other places since then. He was proud.
i came home to her naked eating chilli on the living room floor. Stop giving her jager.
I have to take a quiz before midnight. Trying to decided if its a better idea to take it now when I'm stoned or later when I'm drunk.
Apparently nothing brings out sympathy in a barista like asking if they have a hangover special
Talking to him sober hurts my brain
This is what we get for finishing a whole box of Franzia by ourselves
Randomize
