So I don't have any furniture but we just skateboard drunk around the floor.
I don't know what kind of drugs you were on last night but you kept trying to highlight my face because you said I was important
please remember that your boobs are bigger than your sisters. when you borrow her shirts they stretch and then shes left flapping in the breeze. dont borrow her clothes anymore. love dad.
Ya know, in a round about way coinstar is just a glorified vending machine for all my bad choices.
she asked me if i can do her a favor, came over, and gave me head then left. i still dont understand how that was a favor for her.
You may or may not have poured bacon fat down her shirt
Nothing like playing hide and seek with a state patrol officer early in the morning to get your heart rate up.
"He was so not worth staining my backseat for."
Im wearing a bra. Made of paint.
i wore just an American flag as my costume-huge success. 20 people pledged allegiance to my ass including a senior frat boy at the keg. God bless America.
Seriously though, passing out on the police station floor must have been priceless!
He ain't mine yet. Gotta have a third date before I pee on him and mark territory.
Oh. Wait. That happened on the second date.
Just so you know, you called at 2 last night and kept making me tell you that I loved you and then when you got home you thanked me for walking you home. Incase you forgot, I'm still about 200 miles away.
sober me needs to have more faith in drunk me.
I walked in the kitchen and heard her saying "We could have been so good together" as she caressed an egg with her cheek.
Randomize
