Busta Rhymes just yelled at me! He cut a song off and I was clapping and he looked right at me and said "don't fucking clap." I was that white guy.
How are you going to be there by 9am?
Relax I always go to these conferences hung over
You say that like it's a positive quality
I was desperate so I downed my birth control with balsamic vinaigrette...
IS FOOTBALL GONNA SUCK HIS DICK? NO, IT IS NOT
Yo I tried to get u stoned for ur dreams by blowing weed smoke in ur face while u slept. Ur welcome.
I realized I'm gonna have to fit cheating on my gf, sleeping with my gf and having dinner with her parents all into one Sunday evening
Yeahhh, everybody is so helpful when a pretty girl is crying hysterically and has only one shoe and a six pack.
Well when I got home you were sitting at the table eating cold, leftover taco meat. I'd say you were pretty far gone by that time.
I have the WORST cramps EVER. I think this is gods way of saying 'you're welcome, last warning. stop being a slut.'
Dad's teaching me to make moonshine this weekend as "college prep". How scared should I be sis?
You were literally hanging out the window and dancing to the remix to Ignition when we drove you home
ORGASMS AND PIZZA
PIZZA AND ORGASMS
When dressing for a 3way, how do I convey to the other chick I care enough to look pretty but not so much that it's a huge deal?
She proceeded to flip everyone off then open a Heineken with her teeth.
Beyoncé wouldn't let anything bad happen here
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