Not a fireman, but good enough for last night.
So called my VP's house on Sunday drunk and told him that if he didn't hire me for the new position I would skull fuck his wife. They asked me to go home today. Thanks again Vodka
My vag wants to play a game of hungry hungry hippos with your cock.
She started acting like she was actually a deaf person...so I went along with it and acted like her interpreter. I don't think anyone bought it.
Just heard my neighbor say "I'm just gonna lay down in a coma until someone comes into my room and hands me a beer." He's got his priorities straight
I was to tired to jerk him off, so he made me hold it while he thrusted into my hand.
foreskin is a definite game changer
And all you did was hit on me and do things "for America", so you weren't judged heavily
I don't know what to say to that. All I know is my vagina is trying to jump through the phone.
I woke up with my face covered in mustard. Your mom said I ate hotdogs like a pornstar
Why does 2015 have to start with so many regrets?
Would it be irresponsible to use my tax refund for a boob job?
Yes. Highly encouraged though.
It was just a matte of pubes and mustard.
75% of the time I swipe right on Bumble for girls over 40 is because I think their 18 year old daughter is hot.
What do I have to do?! Spell it out for him? Why can't he just plow me and pull my hair at the same time
You are my new hero
Randomize
