we are all sexual creatures
yea maybe. but you're not. you're not getting any.
the $20 limit for secret santa doesn't apply to me cause you know a half gram of coke is more than $20
i turned my shower on this morning and passionfruit pulp came out. how did you even do that?
No, this is a senior booty call. It cannot be ignored.
I have to be at work in a hour. Can you sufficiently fuck me in 35 minutes?
like seriously. this whole place is the shit. like i can move clouds. no other way to explain it but i can fucking move clouds.
It's a lost cause. Soon she's gonna get naked, just let nature run its course
The most humiliating part was that I farted while he was tasing me.
Oh and an honorable mention for your father's porn collection. Things I'll never forget.
he went down on me to a drake song and now i think i need a penicillin shot
I HAD TO TAKE A SHOT OF JAGER AND SOME REDBULL JUST TO SEE IF IT’LL MAKE MY MOUTH FEEL BETTER
Went on a blind date. Afterwards I ripped my pants off and said "it's game time". He was into it.
You didnt text me.. I'm on your street with golf clubs
On another note, I think my upstair neighbor is having sex. How awkward would it be if I showed up to her door with a bag of Chipotle?
If I had a dollar for every functioning brain cell you had I would owe someone a lot of money
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