If it makes you feel better he went down on me when i had a yeast infection.
at the resort hottubing with french twins, who brought champange. this should be a postcard.
I can't wait to get all this Makers out of my shoe.
I'm in a trailer park. But I'm not scared. The virgin always lives.
Rolling one last joint on my Psych textbook before trading it in. I might actually cry.
Not enough clothes on. Not enough vagina. Not enough drugs in my body.
We are probably going to have to use your boobs as currency to get this done
Nothing says happy baby shower like showing up still kinda drunk from last night with an open tall boy in one hand and fries in the other.
If you feel like laying around and watching a movie, that's where I'll be for the next several hours not moving, blaming others, and generally feeling sorry for myself.
I'm proud of you, you were pretty classy last night, you didn't puke AND you didn't take off your shirt, except for those two times in the corner.
If, when you wake up, you're wondering why you're in the bathtub, it's because when I tried to move you, you yelled that that was cheating and tried to kick me in the face.
Fair enough.
Before consuming her Waffle House she did a few deep breaths and cleared the table to "prepare herself for this"
I know I'm moving in six days but getting wine drunk and laying in bed just sounds so good right now
He ate me out while watching Fifty Shades of Grey---needless to say I'm locking this down
So my family just woke up on Easter morning and shared a bowl. That's bonding😊
Randomize
