Spraying perfume on pants makes them clean right?
trying to fathom saturday night and the fact that Rainn Wilson now hates me. my brain hurts.
you kept yelling something about watching the muppets chirstmas carol and trying to turn the t.v. on with your car keys
A guy at the bar bought me a jag bomb because I'm the chick that frosts his donuts at KT. Never have I been more proud of being a failure at life.
Have thirty minutes until my shift starts. My heart says liquor store but my future says no
she was wide awake when they drew a treasure map on her face the she passed out and they played like 7 games of tic tac toe haaa how was your new years
I have a cut on my head from a tambourine.
Hey, the point is, I have 3 guys to fuck to get over the last one. It's my golden rule. You told me to find a hobby! It translated as "find another guy".
That is the opposite way I told you to find a hobby.
I sobered up in the middle of it, that I was hooking up with him in a rosemary bush. I woke up smelling like a pasta dish
That stripper was not happy when I tried putting a dollar in her court mandated ankle bracket/tracking device
I dreampt that we were shooting zombies while we having sex. Is that normal?
Oh it's not a problem. Cleaning up the yard and disposing of 75 gallons of Jello is all I've got to look forward to today.
If a raisin and a desert had a bastard child that would be the inside of my mouth right now
i just got drunk and created an entire Dr Seuss unit for my first graders.
Yes, the maid of honor did just deep throat the mic during the toast. How do I follow that?
Randomize
