i had to take off my light up shamrock necklaces, my professor was getting suspicious.
Attn every girl I've slept with in the past 26 years of my life. One of you cunts gave me herpes. This is the 4th of 5 group MMS. That's right. It's in the 50s. There are two girls I don't have #s for. One was on a cruise and the other was a prostitute in Amsterdam. So which of you has herpes?
In a weird way, I don't want to stalk him on Facebook. I want to find out what's wrong with him the old-fashioned way. Is this what it means to be romantic?
Passed out on the bench in the men's bathroom. Feel much better now.
Is it worth it to drive to a zoo with a high possibility of sex at said zoo?
You guys bombarded us in the bathroom and that kid whipped his dick out and peed in the sink.
If its possible to have a hickey on your nipple, I have one. Thank you.
The German just referred to my vagina as the Great Barrier Reef and that he was going to go diving in it.
I just love that it's Veterans Day because I know in my heart that I have serviced some of their brethren in the dirtiest, hottest, most shameful ways possible.
I have the overwhelming need to take care of him. Both with my vagina and like emotionally.
He came back with a Butterfinger and vibrator batteries. There's no refusing him now.
It's like sleep walking but with blowjobs
Ya know. I was thinking of my slutty moments the other day and finally know which one makes the number 1 spot.
you tried to strip tease your way into canada but got arrested instead. don't worry, your mom doesn't know.
If you left your bike out in front, I just watched some dude steal it.
Randomize
