I feel like I got hit by a truck made out of Jack Daniels.
No offense but you kinda look like a Jack Johnson fan in that pic
i couldnt tell she was wearing a bumpit until she started giving me head
I'm going to have to call in sick tomorrow. After this weekend, there's no way I can handle hearing the accountants talk about double entry without puking.
and thats when we got a drunken mammogram in the middle of cvs pharmacy
I just dumped out my gym water bottle and filled it with white wine. This is the end.
he said i was so drunk that i shared a urinal with him and we simultainiously peed
They invented the twister shot game. You put a shot on each circle, take it when you land on it, and if you fall, they funnel the mat and make you drink it. New best friends.
hanging out with you guys is like living the wikipedia entry for drugs...not sure i can handle that tonight.
If you wake up tomorrow and start to wonder.... Yes you did just eat mild sauce from taco bell out of the package while informatively yelling about the loss of my virginity
You're doing a terrible job of letting me hook up with girls vicariously through you.
My ass is underappreciated
i refuse to sex anyone who doesn't get my lord of the rings references. no exceptions.
I slept like a rock because of your dick. I'll thank him personally later.
dude it was our first time and her hair caught on fire from the candles on the nightstand
There is no way that actually happened!
the smell of burnt hair covered up the sweaty sex smell.
Randomize
