I seem to have left my pride at pride
I am 90% sure the kid in front of me in class is picking his face spots, smelling it, and then eating it. That is a LOT of % sure for something like that.
I meant to tell you earlier: bad life decision saturday has been moved wednesday this week
You passed out in my bathroom last night. I put a towel over your face so I could shit without it being gay
Hey! I was tired. I threw up in two parking lots yesterday.
I wish dancing around my house in my bra and underwear to Love Shack whilst eating strawberry cake batter was an acceptable form of exercise.
i feel like my tongue has its own mouth, and that mouth just bit its tongue and is clenching its teeth.
It's ok, I like adventure. Just ask my vagina.
They were scared I was going to get lost last night so they dressed me up as Waldo so someone would always find me.
No more. You can't have nice things, and vodka is a nice thing.
Yeah that doesn't involve enough booze, count me out
You're the only person I know who can be puking into a trash can at 8 in the morning in Manhattan and get a date out of it....
Is it okay to thank someone for the orgasms they gave you, even though they weren't with you?
Out of all the things you could eat off of my tits you choose lettuce? Thats so healthy. Yuck.
I'm super depressed and stressed and I just want spaghetti and sex...
Randomize
