We should be called the Road Head Warriors
It took me 40.8 seconds to take a dump at her house, I know because I timed myself.
So I've been thinking a lot since she told me she's prego. But what I want to know is why my voice of reason sounds like Thomas fucking Jane!?
Last night you were talking while puking saying, "ahh the shoes and the purse, I'm gonna have to wash those"
there's a sledge hammer in the bottom of the swimming pool... so whatever happened last night was probably awesome
No, this time she was diabetic. I think I fucked her into diabetic shock.
My only regret is not throwing up on the conveyor belt in the dining hall
I just want a pillowcase full of fast food so I can eat and sleep this hangover away
He just subscribed to one of my Spotify playlists. The next step is sex.
So it's national ass day?! I love October. No bra last Saturday and now ass day. This is my month. God is dedicating this October to me!
You screamed at oncoming traffic , "five dollars to punch this guy in taint!".
This may have to wait till tomorrow. I smoked so my back wouldn't hurt and I overshot relaxed by like 4 hits casually
It's nice doing the walk of shame at 530 am, the birds are chirping, campus is empty, and it's dark so noone can see who the Fuck you are
He said it was the classiest hand job he ever had because my nails were painted red. We need to go to nicer bars from now on.
Like at first he was barely doing anything. So I was like harder and then holy shit he's like going all HULK SMASH on my vagina. I mean it felt fucking awesome. BUT STILL
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