I was actually kinda bummed my STD test came back negative.
That would have been proof he'd slept with the stripper. Lame.
you need to do more things constructive for your career. like wearing pants more often.
Already tried, she's too smart for that. I need a Primos "Do your wife in the butt" lure/call to trick her into wanting it
pre-gaming in the library. just gonna keep going until i'm too drunk to keep working and then i'll be there.
You'd be surprised how many calories hedonism burns.
I want to be stormed in. I want to be stuck there. I want to climb a pyramid of strippers to safety
possibly one of my favorite moments was wiping it off your nose after you high fived a bouncer
No, the moral of my Oxford interview was "Never snort caffeine pills".
Guess who just got a Christian Beliefs class to seriously discuss the spiritual implications of dolphin rape?
Dropping acid was like seeing the whole world as a blank canvas to imagine anything I wanted.
And apparently all you wanted was to watch the sun explode and me take 60,000 dicks to the face.
I Pavlov-trained him by smacking him in the nuts anytime I caught him looking at another girl in public. To this day, he's afraid to break eye contact with me in a restaurant if a tall busty blonde walks in.
GOOD MORNING. Have you seen the Avenger vibrators?
Good luck getting that all cat food off in the shower dumbass
it is basically gonna be an ugly Christmas sweater rave
As in, legitimately worried. You just sent me a 6 message long text that did not contain any complete words.
Randomize
