I just saw a girl walking home wearing a tshirt, boxers, and cowboy boots. Thanks for having the decency to drive me to my car.
I wish "capable of destroying an innocent girl's life" is something I could put on my resume
you wouldn't come out from under your bed because you said there were six-armed bears everywhere.
ohhh that explains the pepperonis I found in my sock drawer this morning...
no it doesn't.
Having a dry hump session to Alvin and the chipmunks surprisingly didn't kill the mood. He's that good.
That's fuckin bs. I had the bouncers beat by 30 yards til that dumbshit on the moped stopped in front of me.
I want to celebrate with you...
There's nothing I'd like more than a celebratory "The guy I'm doing just found out he's not a baby daddy" dinner.
his face was nice enough, but his choice of footwear screamed columbian drug lord
You did it first. I was merely expressing my support for you, by pressing my testicles against a window.
So his roommate walked in on us, went upstairs to tell her bf she has found a new use for the rafters & they must try it.
I have this vague feeling that I was involved in a dance off with a homeless man?
Have you ever eaten pizza and gotten your dick sucked at the same time? Because I have pizza.
We just had sex on an abandoned logging road while wearing snow shoes. God bless Montana boys.
Why do all my exes just become Tom Hanks in Castaway?
That's a fantastic question. And an odd set of criteria to meet if wanting to date you.
when you shit yourself on the way to school its time to give up and go home
i black out too much to be "responsible"
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