I recorded his drunk dial calls. My personal favorite was the one that began, "grab the bull by the horns and fuck his cock."
You have problems? I'm 20 years old and i'm balding
So im going to watch Hocus Pocus in my footie pajamas... How am I in college?
Pregaming for shuffle board at 10 AM. I love spring break.
You know it was a good weekend when; you leave a bi-lingual letter of apology on top of a stack of cash for hotel housekeeping.
I almost itched my nose with the lit end of a cigarette. Help.
Broeke and glass. I feel so and. Appilogixe in morbing.
Why can't people give useful wedding gifts...like sex swings or Nutella?
I just put on my phone calendar to remind me of my final child support payment in 2029
Is there some sort of line being crossed when your shower activities start to involve jimmy johns?
you made cordon bleu at 4am and declared you were Marshall Stewart
You know darned well I have a well-documented weakness for redheads, Subway and hand-drawn graphic novels.
Okay so I just had a really great idea
no.
Lobby closes at 2 AM on Thursday, but everyone walking still wants food... I could run a "Taco Bell Taxi" when I clock off at 2 and charge a dollar to give drunks a ride through drive thru.
Someones thought of a way to afford tuition.
I just bought a bottle of dried bees on Etsy. I am the wrong person to talk you out of this.
Randomize
