Just applied online. Cant stop hiccupping. May be drunk. Hope they liked my smiley faces.
bang him and never speak to him again. also, queef in his face.
i dont this its possible to queef on command.
i made two phi delts show me their dicks in less than 30 words! Take that twitter!
Just walked in and was handcuffed to a police woman. Fire fighter woman poured franzia down my throat. Aaaaand I just ate cookies off of Little Red Riding Hood's tits.
He called my vagina a rainforest. This is coming from a guy whose pubes are longer than his dick.
The best thing about my promotion is that I now have an office with a door. I can take my naps in peace instead of leaning my head against the stall in the bathroom.
I can't believe they pay you six figures. I hate you.
don't judge, it's breakfast wine Wednesday.
I went from innocently day drinking to waking up handcuffed in jail. Fuck you game days
Pregaming before going to drink with a girl from Russia. Please make sure I'm not dead in the morning.
No, your dick is problems. Anyone you fuck haunts us for the rest of the semester. If you need to get laid, I'll personally drive you out of state.
The only thing that makes a night with half a bottle of cheap vodka is the other half of that bottle of cheap vodka.
How weird is it that 2 people I've had sex with have the same birthday and they don't even know each other
Currently standing at the bus stop in just a pillowcase and its fucking snowing
I think my time would be better spent seducing the TA then trying to save this paper.
No, this year you're all getting coupons for things like "no yelling because you had sex in my apartment" or "the last beer."
Randomize
