I just saw a woman parallel park a horse. Awesome. Only in New York..
Herpes is a lot like Arnold Schwartzenneger. Because it always comes back. Also, because it is usually in some way in control of California.
grab my backpack.....its in the fridge
thanks for carrying me to bed.. and sorry for trying to roll down the hallway to escape.
when life gives you lemons, puke and rally.
we had a ceremony where you passed your fake id onto me in the middle of the bar. i was on my knees and you presented it to me. i don't think the bartenders were suspicious though
There should be a rule. If your dick is under 6 inches, you are not allowed to dress as Thor.
And then he serenaded me with "Pimps don't cry" from 'The Other Guys'. If that's not love I'm not sure what is
Just got a Snapchat of his dick with the caption 'We miss you.'
That's true love, there.
I praised you last night for winning a chug off...you thanked me with a ridiculously hard headbutt. Thanks dick.
HIS BALLS ARE HEAVEN SENT FROM THE VELVET ANGLES.
When the neighbors threatened to call the cops, he yelled at them that American laws didnt apply to him because he was Danish. He then sang his own version of "America fuck yeah" along to daft punk, then fell down the porch steps. Can we keep him?!?!
Lindsey Lohan and I have slept with the same amount of people. The only thing she's now beating me on is rehab trips and teen choice awards, so really I'm the winner.
He is saved in her phone as Sir. Mindfuck <3/ vag cleaner of course I need to meet him.
last night someone said that theyd like to do drugs with a dolphin ... judging from the diagram on the wall we figured it out.
all we need now is a dolphin ... and some drugs.
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