I just poured my flask into a drink. Then I realized the drink belonged to the guy next to me so I stole it from him. He confronted me and I made out with him to distract him. When I looked up, I realized his wife was watching. Its barely 10:00.
BEES IN MY FUCKING PANTS. HELP.
Paddidles count extra in the back of a cop car
Is it bad that I was more upset about not getting the perfume he told me he had bought for me then the actual breakup?
i had to take off my light up shamrock necklaces, my professor was getting suspicious.
You drunk dialed me and told me to jump out of my second story window so I could give you head. I almost considered it.
Finals are done.. I just wanna get drunk and pretend I'm a seahorse.
You were naked with a chalice of Skittles vodka, singing along to Les Miserables.
She told me her last name, which as you know is my #1 turn-off.
Took my plan b at Costco today, sample Sunday for the win.
I didn't pay $79 for lingerie for you to cum in 30 seconds
I just paid my school fees like a real adult who doesn't get accidentally drunk on a Tuesday night
I love you as a roommate, but you GOTTA start using the door dude..
Watching porn.....Adele is playing in the background...so many emotions right now...so many.
Hate my fucking roommates.... Seriously, who the FUCK peels potatoes in the bathroom sink?!
Randomize
