Welp...herpes.
Also do the "tongue the pee-hole" thing.
instead of telling him i dont hook up with closet frat guys, i gave him his "straight' fraternity brothers number... pike house will be interesting tonight
so I finished the entire bottle...next thing I know, it's 8 am and I wake up on the fucking beach in the low tide with a family standing about 30 feet from me just staring.
How many 'remember name' entries is it inappropriate to have in one's cell phone?
Nah it's cool, I made him pinky promise me he wouldn't die if I left him passed out in the bathroom.
Just successfully went through airport security with shrooms. It's gonna be a fucking awesome new years
No, not normal drunk. Wake up on a trampoline with a naked chick you've never seen before drunk. I think i missed my first trampoline sex...
Its official the day you get back into town we are having a going away to jail party for me. My last wish before prison is to shit faced drunk with you, get into a fist fight, and then cuddle up and fall asleep. Just like old times <3
Just walked into your room to get my clothes and he's still passed out in your bed. Remind me to high five you when you get home
He legit watched "Cops" the entire time he was fingering me.
My idiot ex texted me on Valentine's day to tell me I was right, he did need a therapist.
i just watched a 7 minute video on people making a hot air balloon for their dog and i am a changed person
The closest thing I've had to an orgasm lately is sneezing nonstop from fucking allergies.
It's your last night of vacation right? Be the Oprah of dick. And you get a dick... and you get a dick, and you get a dick!!!
Randomize