My goal for the party is to get everyone in a diaper. Reasonable?
Abby. I can text perfectly. I pledge allegiance to the flag of the united states of america. and to the republic, for which we stand, one nation under god indivisible and with liberty and justice for all god bless america
He said I was almost as good as the wheel chair sex he had the night before. Apparently I just cant compete with 4 wheels
We're high and this subject came up and I'd like a female opinion: if you were a dude, what would you do if a girl tried to give you a foot job?
I have full custody of my vagina however you are granted visiting hours
Never use fire and ice condoms with a dude who always claims he "didn't know it was the wrong hole"
Hungover. Have to fix everything I've broken. I'm gonna be very late.
Come back I feel like I ticking time bomb of
of drugs
Something about Sunday night screams phone sex
We hooked up for a while and on his way out he high fived me and said "stay weird"
You slapped the bar and yelled "daddys thirsty!" at the lady behind the bar
To be fair I was thirsty
When she told you not to yell you looked directly at me and screamed "Man, she sucks!"
When we left, you were on your third beer. When we came back to grab you, you had a pint glass half full of whiskey and had convinced the band to give you a microphone.
Well if I can't snuggle you, I might as well snuggle a stranger's cat.
I will pay you in sex, beer and popcorn if you will come fold my clothes for me.
Add free use of your panini press and its a deal.
Deal.
If I'm legally allowed to go to jail than I should legally be allowed to tell a cop to fuck off. Basic principles.
Yea, but did you really have to throw a sandwich at him??
Randomize
