you're drinking in the law library????
...not a bad idea....
probably not a good idea either.
life lesson# 3: saying thank you on a subway really means "im not a native new yorker, so please feel free to touch my ass"
hmm. interesting. explain how you came across this knowledge.
i sneezed. he said bless you. i said thank you. he groped. i again said thank you.
you know you were refereeing rock paper scissors for who got to make out with your sister right?
i love that he's uncircumcised. it makes handjobs so much easier. it's the lazy susan of penises.
i feel this outfit says i'm better than you, but i might give you a handjob behind a building
The question of "Will I eat a piece of curried chicken off the floor?" has been answered tonight.
I have a beer in one hand and a slim fast in another. It's another one of those wednesday nights.
Just smoked out of an apple with Steve Jobs. I love Halloween.
Cracked my iPhone screen. Real bad. Girl from last night isn't ugly yet. Stop me if you still think she belongs under a bridge. You have 12 seconds.
I have the perfect view of a sexy blonde in yoga pants stretching from the shoulder press machine. I'll be here all night. So glad I came high.
Ur here with me in spirit. Now run free. Run free
She's throwing herself an "I just had a baby" shower, where she makes up for 9 months of sobriety then squeezing a watermelon out of her vagina.
Did we really just set fireworks off in a cemetery? Or was that a dream?
I think so and I think we were sober.
He has no idea he's waking up in slut palace tomorrow morning
Where do you think black out memories go?
Into the dark abysmal abyss of the deepest, darkest part of your mind. It's obviously the bodies natural defense to protect you from witnessing the shit you do while actually blacked out.
I'm not going to tell you how to live your life, which includes naming your schlong
Randomize
