The best was having to tell my 16y/o cuz and her bf that we could see him fingering her in the inner tube. Lucky for them, I'm the cool cousin... and was river-level fuckedup.
im hiding in a corner. drunk. with a plate of stolen jello shots. im pretty sure people are looking for me or the jello shots.
Come down. Bring Jorts. We're getting ready for this tricycle race like champions.
I just very easily got pretty high off of one bowl of shitty dirt weed. I'm a sad excuse for who I used to be.
so I am that guy with the red solo cup in class. someone has to step it up.
You invited the cop in for a "Celebrity shot"
Everyone was hooking up and I was just by myself rolling around in the grass at one point ... Which I am allergic to.
I don't even have his number. I have his pants tho
I went 670% over budget on my vacation. My accountant would flip if he weren't me.
How the fuck do you have so much free time?
Polyphasic sleep schedule.
The last time I saw her someone was carrying her on a bike and she was yelling that she was E.T.
we had to follow your trail of clothes to find you.......
Had to admit my broken elbow was caused by vodka, not hockey
I can't really feel a difference, so essentially I paid 60 bucks to bedazzle my vag.
Can u pick up some lemons on the way? I have Tequila and a sore throat..I need them for both
I'm a peeled potato compared to her. I'm a peeled potato compared to anyone. I'm a peeled potato.
Are you high?
Randomize