I want 2 things right now, you or a cig
cig
they're both coked to the gills having a shouting match about the powers and abilities of godzilla. and using the wikipedia entry on the topic to support their respective arguments.
Pretty sure I just heard the turkey yell "don't put me in there" as it was going in the oven. way too high for this holiday.
I don't judge her for getting booty calls at 2 in the morning, so she can't judge me for staying in friday nights and putting spray cheese on pringles.
It was dark, she woke me up, gave me a blowjob and then whispered in my ear: do you know who I am?
You looked up at me and said "I'm getting a mattress made out of this SHIT. Goodbye certa hellllllllo concrete!" then you started counting sheep
I miss yesterday.Today's hangover makes yesterday's look like a little girl with blonde ringlets playing hopscotch in the street with a ginger kitten.
Girl in my public speaking class just gave a speech on weaves, God I love community college
And my cousin was so drunk he called an uber and instead he got into a cop car and they took him to the hospital
What a way to start the day. Staring at penis for 3 hours
It's pretty much my favorite thing ever
I can guarantee he will smoke me out and I won't feel bad about it because he gets to touch my butt.
we were clicking our heels together saying theres no place like home, while the cops were tellin us to call our parents and tell them what happened.
Opening my shipments of mascara and nipple pasties this morning like a boss bitch
Stop making fun of my hookups!
Stop getting hookups that I can make fun of!
uh why is my bathtub filled with kool aid? or is that blood?
Randomize
