I really hope you get sexually violated by a pterodactyl tonight.
Spotted: Pepto Bismol pink Scion with Ed Hardy sticker on front window, air freshener, and seat covers. Total Douchette Mobile.
Then you got really excited when I upgraded you from puke bowl to puke bucket.
That's the first time you've ever said the L word without referring to drinking or partying.
so she sprained her ankle somehow and her friend had to carry her out while all 7 of us watched. do we even need to vote on that or is that automatic induction into the hall of shame?
The walk home from the bar is FAR more shameful in daylight.
We talk about tequila and blow jobs the way that normal people talk about the news and the weather.
Periouds do not concern me. Biploogival needs are buological needs.
Finals are done.. I just wanna get drunk and pretend I'm a seahorse.
Yah, I guess one silver lining is I'd never seen a full water cooler get thrown down a flight of stairs, gotta appreciate the little things
For only eating leftover pizza for breakfast today, you sure do have a lot to vomit up...
I just made a drug deal 100% through snap chat
Some rando guy literally just put my shoes on and tied them for me because I'm drunk... Is this what it feels like to be a princess?
ugh i want to get waxed but I’m afraid. my vagina has had enough trauma this week, i don’t know if I can put her thru any more.
There is no way entering a gas station bathroom memorializing an alien abduction in rural New Hampshire is a good idea.
Randomize
