I just met a guy from Australia at the bar. I asked him what it was like down under and he told me if I went home with him he'd let me find out. I love Australians.
Do you want the good news or bad news first?
bad news
The bad news is i thew up on your bed, the good news is i found out who ate your cheetos.
Im like a co-bf. he pays for her birthday and christmas, but i get all the action.
Also, drinking coors light. Fuck that. Fuck that in the fucking face.
He bought me a oreo ice cream cake with "thanks for not calling the cops!" written in icing. If that doesn't sum up winter break, I don't know what does.
You know what i just remembered? I asked the 8 ball if i was gonna get kicked out this semester before any of this stuff happened and it said yes. ITS REAL.
I've reached the gravitational age where it's very hard to get my face and my boobs in the same shot without some kind of yoga involved .
Maybe you can hide out somewhere she would never go. Like a counseling center or AA
Dude tried texting you during but she threw my pants too far away
Hahah. They reconnected again?
Like with his penis I guess
Also this is super embarrassing but sorry for licking your chest
Well you were listening to music and having sex really loudly. How was I supposed to know you'd hear me making rocket sounds?
Definitely woke up.this morning to a random girls head in my toilet and her mom knocking on my door.
Just had a small freak out because I couldn't get my bra unhooked and thought I was gonna be stuck in it forever.
I'm wearing jeans from 7th grade and drinking a fucking macchiato. This better be a good day.
Randomize
