Looks like an M-80 went off in a lb. of pastrami
i wish we had vans that drove around at night but insteand of ice cream and jolly tunes its taco bell and the macarena
just used a caramelizing gun to spark a bowl, i don't think today could get much better than this.
i just funneled a beer through a mask n snorkel.. can you check that off my bucket list..
So, I had a dream last night that girls approached guys at the bar and said things like "i would like to pleasure you tonight." No drink buying, no sweet talking or ANYTHING.....it. was. awesome.
He upper decked the toilet, got himself lit on fire 6 times and lit 4 other people on fire in the course of 3 days.
It was sunday, you had a camel back of bloody mary stumbling around a dog park with no dog.
Apparently campus cops frown on lighting a joint off of the eternal flame on Jerry Falwell's grave...
Last night did I take a piece of pizza out of your hand and then proceed to eat it?
Twice...
And I'm glad you're waiting to invite him over. he may have a weird penis thing and then dinner becomes awkward.
Why are friend nudes not more of a thing? My tits look awesome right now.
"Because this is an ongoing legal matter" is how his morning after sex text began. So...
You full on peed your pants then resurrected yourself like Jesus Christ...
Socially acceptable to sleep in a booth in the library? Its not finals but I dunno if I can make it back to south. Too drunk.
I suppose writing him up is more professional than keying his car.
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