After last night, I could never be a politician.
Seriously, stop peeing all over the toilet seat. It looks like movie theatre butter.
she kicked me out for pissing in the recycling bin. I mean, is it really THAT big of a deal?
Happy graduation...we are now officially unemployed alcoholics!
At home depot. Final room inspection is tmrow, gotta paint over the puke stains
what part of what i said meant "bring a bowl"
"bouncy castle"
I don't know. I was also picked up by the doormen and held over the bar so I could do an upside down shot out of a bartenders tits.
Walking into the first day of college is like walking into a meat market. A meat market of sex.
The bartender seems to not like the DD's anymore. I'm sad
I just stole some rubbers from the girl I stayed with last night so I can use them on a different girl today..
Well, if it gives you any indication, when I got there, there was already some dude passed out naked in the treehouse.
I always make inappropriate sexual decisions during the holidays
Told my fifteen year old cousin's friend what to sext his girlfriend last night. He was scarred for life but she fucking loved it.
No matter how long you've been away, there's nothing quite like pooping at your parents' house
So what if you don't want to be with your family. Go drink alone and watch Netflix like a normal person, don't be productive!
Randomize
