U know those big foam mats in the back gym for track?
ya, gonna go have sex there?
No I want one to have wings and pick me up and take me home
if i hurry i can finally have sex while stoned off my ass
godspeed.
I got a Cease & Desist email from NBC for downloading Bruno. I am not going down for gay porn.
He just came in my nostril. Never look down when a guy is pulling out during missionary.
Brought 2 entire pizzas with to the bar, everyone loves us
his blanket is still in the back seat of my car, its like a constant reminder of his small penis
I just scrubbed chocolate off the bathtub... You better have had a damn good birthday
It's official, I need to start putting my vagina's needs before my own.
HEY. That drawer full of booze in my dorm room also has aspirin and Tums in it. So don't tell me I don't care about health.
Whoever labeled dysfunctional a bad thing obviously never saw this frinedship coming.
It was like a square peg in a round hole... I've never seen one shaped like a stick of butter...
Cleaning my room at 2am, in just one corner I found six beers, half a pint of whiskey, my flask, 2 shotgun bullets, my crown and shimmer lotion.
Also day 6: dick is healed and ready to go back to work.
Best part about losing weight and not fitting into your pants any longer? They come off quick for chipotle emergencies.
HOCKEY BUTTS AND BASEBALL BUTTS HONESTLY DO SOMETHING TO ME
Randomize
