You should dream of me :)
I'm going to dream of single life.
I just threw up during my phone interview for the largest PR firm in the world.
There are huge fuckin pieces of palm tree in the road. what a road hazard. as i sit here and text you as i swerve to miss them
he was drinking wine. Puking into an empty water bottle. And eating french toast. ....All at the same time.
btw im using a cooler as a purse cause i love string cheese
what part of 'taking a night off' includes MDMA in your world?
He bought a sex swing! He's building the playground of my dreams!!!!
The last thing I remember was wearing a sombrero and trying to do cartwheels in the club
You did one successfully. Then smashed into the wall
I'm 2 beers deep on an empty stomach, and I just wanna say, I pride myself on my use of commas
No. DON'T DO IT. Friends don't let friends fuck clowns.
sorry I blacked out our whole relationship
I found your missing hash cookies. Fuck you and I'm sorry but there are only 2 left. I already had the munchies.
tbh i just wanted to fuck a guy with forearm tattoos but then he was so FORWARD about it
I just bought six bottles of the 2 dollar vodka. oh yes there will be blood
Just got my second shot
Baller. We’re going to be knee deep in strippers and coke in 10 days
Randomize
