i either bought an eighteen year old girl or i'm engaged to her... i'm not quite sure
why wash my dick in the morning if you're not there to suck it?
apparently they wrote a song entitled "butt slut" about her... im thinking shes not girlfriend material.
My clit ring got caught in his beard. Never. Again.
I was the king of the handle race. My team finished it in 56 minutes.
you don't get it. Nobody wins a handle race. there just degrees of losing.
As we're eating sushi she goes I just want to get a disease so my mom can take care of me... Great first date
I just realized the only way to play Edward forty-hands is commando in a skirt. This intelligence kick is really doing me justice.
Drinking vodka and pirating music in the library. Welcome to finals week.
You said "bag of dicks" before passing out and falling off the landing
Oh god... Please tell me Sarah didn't see me like this
...you may have kinda punched her in the tit on the way down...
It's a good thing vaginas don't have taste buds
Can't be like "hey can you elaborate on this three year old tweet" can I?
I would say don't do anything I wouldn't do, but we both know I forget about my personal safely when getting laid is on the line
I gave her two orgasms and then we laid there and she ate jelly beans out of my belly button...that girls a keeper
Atleast we had sex on the couch before your ex took it from you
You know that pill i snorted last night? Yeh, its just hitting me now..... At work
Randomize
