Of course we end up in a gay bar... And I have to tell you there are some hot dudes here, should I pass around your Facebook?
He never called back after I emailed him my booty call contract.
i just ate something from under my fingernail. i dont know what it was, but it tasted half decent
The more I sober up, the more sick I am/realize how weird dancing around a wine bottle was
When i tried to give you something that wasn't tequila...like water....you kept saying it was against your religion.
I've always been the spiritual type.
Her vagina smelt so bad I lied and told her that I was married just so that she would leave.
Claiming territory at this party means signing a girls ass...I've got dibs on a blonde
I was just crying my tits off and he was just sitting there listening. I was an open book of embarrassing life stories.
Wine is not your friend.
I don't care how fucking drunk you are, you don't forget wanting to shove a wine bottle up someone's ass.
Remember that girl that we found passed out in the dorm study room under a pile of money and jimmy johns wrappers? She's standing right on front of me.
he asked me if i wanted to hook up & my answer was 'why not'. he came in thirty seconds and the condom broke. it's the love story of the century
Her mom came down to the basement and took shots with us. She's now passed out in a wheel barrow. This party got weird
help. there is a guy in a bunny costume.
Fuck. I did it again. I plugged in my toaster and walked away thinking it needed to preheat. I am dumb.
Periods are much less exciting when you're not sexually active.
Randomize
