you could tell him that chauvinism doesn't go very well with his gay homemade tank top
winter break is going to suck... i have to put away my college personality and transform into who my parents think i am.
I apologize in advance for attempting to drunkenly hookup with your sister
You kept running up to random groups of people and saying "I'm a Dallas Cowboy Cheerleader so we all have to chug our drinks!" and they all listened to you.
There are several different types of life sentences in my purse right now.
No, that's just what we do when we hang out. We get drunk, have really awesome sex, then fight about why we never worked as a couple
its ok, the prom king gave me his crown to puke in
All I really remember is thinking that the music looked like beautiful lizard waves in my head
Just realized I'm going to have to make you sign a non-disclosure agreement before my wedding.
You will never be paid again to get drunk and tell off cops without being arrested. Once in a lifetime opportunity
You're right. Fuck my job. I'm in.
I mean like if I stood up my head might pull me down like an anchor
I think I will always strangely appreciate as well as kick ass at stoned dishes. Like for the rest of my life. Thank you slave job at Starbucks.
I'm going to smell of sex and shame.
How is that different than any other Monday night?
So I had this brilliant idea that I would sleep in all sorts of sweatpants and sweatshirts... Apparently I thought I could "sweat" off the drunk in my sleep and that it would make me feel better when I woke up
No, I told him I was busy again this weekend. Eventually he’ll learn. Plus, absence makes the cock grow harder
Randomize
