Ran into him today. He apologized via facebook. sometimes I hate our generation
he was fingering the outside of my pants..i knew that was my cue to leave
Just realized Ive had sex in or around each thing listed in Green Eggs and Ham besides the fox.
They're making him take his shirt off cause they think he's the bouncer. We're in his backyard.
No. I'm drinking straight up vodka right now. With a pineapple in it.
That'll put some boobs in that bra.
Febreezed myself at a stop light on the way to the IRS office. Judgmental glare from some old lady in the car next to me, thumbs up from her husband.
if any part of your body has ever entered my vagina you are fucking obligated to speak to me if i so desire
its just been over 12 hours, and i`m dying, don`t know how i`m supposed to survive the holidays sexless
Fastest way to get judgmental looks on a Sunday morning: wear sunglasses inside carrying a case of beer and thin mints at the grocery store. May or may not have ran into the glass door.
Gotta love Minnesota
I can't put those talents on a resume
What could go wrong? i could have a mental breakdown with a bottle of champagne hand cuffed to a frat bro
So we are in the middle of sex and his brother knocks on the door and says "dude I just wanted to know if you want to see the fish I got tonight"
Just threw up mid-poop. I can't drink like I used to.
yknow last night was like... the third night in a row alex woke me up to make sure i wasn't dead and tbh it's sorta sweet.
She said cowgirls can can pee standing up and proceeded to pull up her dress and drop her underwear.
Randomize