so that girl updated her facebook status as "had the worst night ever last night"
um, i could be wrong but i think it might've had something to do with mark drunkenly screaming about her unibrow right in front of her
NEED BACKUP we are in the kitchen arguing about who would win in fight against lil Wayne and snoop dog
You just compared our sex life to a seven year old kid.
I vaguely remember taking a shit behind the shed before I started puking over the fence. No more Xanax.
nope im down the street in my car watching the front of her house. its actually less creepy than it sounds
Want me to give your number to an army recruiter?
I don't know... do you want me to use your number to sell used gay porn on Craigslist?
I sense beginning a prank war would end badly for both of us.
threw up outside of the dorms in the parking lot in the pouring rain on the first day of class, i'd say summer is off to a good start.
So we stayed at his mom's and all got drunk and he and I hooked up in his old bedroom. Then his drunk mom came in and tackled us when we were still naked. Why does this keep happening to me?
I feel like my map app knows I'm hungover and is strategically not driving me by fast food places so I cannot stop
cake and sex. what better combination is there.
According to Joseph, last night I crawled into bed and told him to pretend I'm his French maid, and then started speaking with a German accent, and referring to his manbits as "ze greatest Weiner schnitzel I'd ever seen". Basically, last night was a roaring success.
Typical Sunday morning text...are you alive?
Don't do tequila. The Devil himself spits into shot glasses and we call it tequila. You will do bad things.
Last 4 google searches: class c felony, scary ghosts, peanut butter jelly time, Lindsey lohans vagina
Stop trying to mix nacho cheese and sex. Guys don’t want hot cheese near their junk. Pick a better fetish
Randomize
