My first STD was from a foam party
Just watched a drug bust from the Ralphs parking lot while listening to Frank Sinatra. Happy Valentine's Day.
Have invented new cocktail. Any flavor of crystal light and vodka. I call it "I am going to die alone"
He came up and told us to watch as he chugged his beer with no hands. Then asked if he could come drunk swimming with us.
Were not alcoholics, were just impatient for fridays
Part of me was thinking I should go old school and get a chasity belt before the semester starts. Really lock that shit down. But then I thought, fuck that. I'm going to hit that campus like an f5 whorenado
Are the homeless actually allowed to bathe in fountains located on Main Street in downtown Houston? Can Houston TX be so progressive as to condone public bathing?
I threw up off of your balcony and it must have been loud because the dog downstairs went insane.
He yelled "Go Ducks" while he came
He just flipped the beer pong table and set the ceiling fan on fire things are about to get crazy
Why is there a mildly painful bruise on my back?
You slipped off the sink last night.
Why was I on the sink......?
;)
He was tied up with the electrical tape and force fed wine from a box. It was never going to end well.
I ended up sleeping with him in a public bathroom because neither of us remembered where we lived. I have hit a new low.
It was a crazy night: tears were shed, blood was spewed, and bottles were emptied.
I'm just too horny to handle empty house
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