My dealer, who also happens to be a male stripper, just invited me to watch him perform tonight. Boundaries buddy, boundaries.
i think i left my bra at your place
It's still hanging from my ceiling fan. Please let me keep it there.
I had to call maintenance to come unclog the toilet.
Something to remember me by.
The nursing school interview showed me a picture of my passed out during your party. They asked if this was a frquent thing. I told them you drugged me.
took adderall before wrapping presents, ended up making paper snowflakes for two hours
I'm about to fuck a girl in an old school Tony Kukoc Bulls jersey. About to earn my third championship ring in sex
He's writing a strongly worded email to Trojan right now
I TOLD YOU THE BARESKIN CONDOMS WEREN'T AS RELIABLE.
If I am telling you about the details of the shits I take I probably don't want to have sex with you. Probably.
Using mass transit when I'm hungover makes me feel like I missed my calling as a serial killer
I don't give a fuck that he's gay and keeps hitting on me. Free cocaine is free cocaine bro
Your life has no conflict it's just a blur of sex and Netflix
She's takin more dicks this month than I have in my life by the sounds of it
Buying a new bed right now. My options are limited because I need to be able to be tied to it.
It's very disconcerting to wake up and she is gone. I never know where she could be. It's like playing wheres Waldo but Waldo could potentially be drunk and wandering around in weird places that normal Waldo's don't go.
It's next to that place that has cock fighting.
Randomize
