Just brushed my teeth...forgot we used this toothbrush in bed last night.
btw, your gf is going to want to talk to you today...and consequently you're probably not going to want to talk to me...just a heads up
I just wiped my vajayjay with snow. Bad idea.
wait can you just look around please? that was my favorite bra and i've already asked like 3 other guys
The difference between what I would do for a regular Klondike bar and an Oreo flavored Klondike bar is astounding
Not going out tonight. And so the 25 day drinking streak ends....
Idgaf if he's a manwhore, he's like the mt. everest of penises. howcan I NOT try to put that inside me?
Nah I'm perfectly content solely banging the married bartender once a week.
That's practically a relationship for you
Why we can't turn this into a healthy friendship where I cheat on my boyfriend with you and you feel better knowing everything wrong with my life is beyond me.
That's the best thing about having gay dads, you don't gotta do shit on mothers da and everybody is down wit getting wasted on mimosas at brunch
So did I or did I not flash an entire concert last night?
Man i fell asleep on a random persons porch on the way home and woke up to the family banging on the windows trying to wake me up
My mute roommate is using sign language to ask a guy to fuck her.
She had a baby Jesus butt plug
How do you politely tell someone to get out of your house in Russian
Randomize
