omg omg i just fucked paul. i need to stop doing this kind of thing.
wait, who's paul?
exactly.
you looked like a weeble wobble. everytime we thought you were going to fall you bounced back up...you're an amazing drunk
Fuck the gym. I just shaved m'cooch and my pants now fit looser.... Dont judge me.
are we at that level where i can tell you your girlfriends tits looked really good yet?
In other news, shitting yourself is not an acceptable way to start a Thursday.
Do I need to take a photo of my sister's enlarged and disgustingly dark nipples to scare you into protection? DO I?
Ok, it's starting to sound like someone's out there trying to learn to play the trombone while breaking kitchenware.
Come to office depot with me I need help picking out a daily planner that will help me keep all of my casual sex dates organized.
Cant really say how it happened but i woke up in the middle of the night and somehow pissed all over connors dad
I don't know if we can compare high school reunions anymore. The keg stands started before 7.
Nothing like a little " am I gonna shit myself " to spice up the work day
You know that you're in a bad spot when the doctor puts you on 500mg of amoxicillin 4 times a day for ten days and puts refills on it...
Something I can get at drive through, boobs out, don't want to get out of the car
Just remember that no one else gets to suck his dick but you, feel honored. It's like the Olympic torch of life is being passed off to you and it's your time to run
I think I hear the ice cream truck
I could be going crazy though
NO IT IS THE ICE CREAM TRUCK IT'S ALMOST AT YOUR STOP
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