I just deleted all the drug dealers from my phone, I guess this is growing up
Reason #1 for no sex outdoors: Mosquito bites. Awkward, awkward mosquito bites.
You drank everything last night. It was like this huge deconstructed long island that went on for 5 hours
I dont have any paper so I'm writing class notes on my first response direction pregnancy paper. Judging eyes are all around.
Told some guy to hold your weave while you "tried" to kick his girlfriends ass...
You live 7 mins away and I'm leaving in 10 mins. At this point sex before work is impossible.
Challenge accepted. Be naked in 6 mins.
That would be a mascot riding an ATV at a semi-professional hockey game, if that doesn't sum up how I've been I don't know what could
Well I'm missing half a toenail if that's any indication of my night
This text constitutes a formal request for sexual congress under the terms of our Relationship Agreement.
Poor guy. Tried so hard to get out of the friend zone. I had to make out with someone in front of him to put him in his place.
I want you more than I want a burrito.
I'm not as filling.
He ate me out while watching Fifty Shades of Grey---needless to say I'm locking this down
Because I chose to live vicariously through your uterus and you're letting me down right now.
There comes a point where there's just condoms and old mcdonalds in your garbage can and you can't tell if you've won or lost.
My New Year's resolution consists of less weekday hangovers, more sex, and more money.
Randomize
