why are there beer bottles in my dishwasher?
Mom got me cough medicine that tastes like tequila . She said she took taste tests. Best mom ever.
What's bad is when she said "what hobo did you steal this dick from?"
I want a picture of impoverished children wearing Oregon national champions shirts.
Yes, I feel sorry for the tribe that gets those. They won't be able to hide from the lions.
The key to alley sex is drunkeness.
It was kinda hard to explain to his wife why there was chocolate syrup on the ceiling.
I just made a cocktail. Had one shot of vodka left. It looked lonely so I decided to reunite it with its vodka friends in my bloodstream.
Starting the day at 1:44 in the afternoon. With a hot pocket and a mixer. Who knew my life had this kind of possibility.
seriously they are like going to hulk burst through. There are perks and downfalls to having big boobs
What happened after I vommed in your shirt that I was wearing and threw it out the window on the highway?
We grabbed as many adult diapers as we could and made a run for it.
And that is why I love you so much. You have the same cold black heart as me.
I love her so much I can forgive her for wearing crocs
drunk me always erases text conversations because she is a woman of mystery and does not like for me to know what's going on in her life
Am I the only person in the world that does not give a shit about the avengers?
You did what with his pubic hair?
Randomize
