I printed and framed a picture of a seagull shitting, and hung it in my house. I'm waiting to see how long it takes everyone to notice.
I'm so glad you managed to take a picture of your foreskin before you broke my camera.
we made a giant pot of alcholic jello. i filled a gallon bag and brought it to dorms. desk guy gave me weird looks, he doesnt realize this is how i will pass all of my room searches
I woke up to a topless girl handing me a blunt. Candidate for greatest wake-up ever?
I'm having post traumatic stress flashbacks of last night. That big. Don't know whether to call him again or change my name...
I just got my inseam measured in raffle tickets by a drag queen. Being fondled for charity is awesome.
She told me she's going to buy a projector so she can watch porn on her ceiling...I'm telling you man this chick is going places
I just put bacon on a thin mint and enjoyed the shit out of it. I better not be fucking pregnant.
after all you did bang a few mechanics. you must have got some second hand skills by now for building us a go kart.
Today is all about not throwing up, where the fuck are my keys and does anyone know what happened to that guy in the panda suit my roommate had sex with last night.
DUDE. HOLY FUCK MY PRINCIPAL WAS JUST MY UBER DRIVER. I AM LITERALLY TRAUMATIZED. ANS DRUNK. HOLY FUCK OMG
Really though. It's your life, live it how you want
And I do mostly. Which is why I'm now drunk in my room writing erotica
You gotta come over now. He is eating cupcakes while they are still in the foil.
FIVE TIMES AND I HAVENT GOTTEN OFF ONCE
literally yelled NOOOO right before he finished .. yelled “five times and I still haven’t gotten off” when he was still inside me ..
Said “don’t worry I’ll get myself off tomorrow” to top it all off
Did I tell you I drunk fucked my one roommate last week
Uh no
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