I am going to give you the keys to my place
Then I'll give you the keys to my heart
Gag me
He asked me to sit on his face, but i didnt, for 2 reasons, one, i had just pooped like 20 mins before sex, and two, this could be my future husband. so i skipped on sitting.
Canada is now making docos about life in America. Its called Trailer Park Boys.
pedialite and red bull = repair kit
stop calling my apartment porn island.
what part of 'taking a night off' includes MDMA in your world?
what's the name of the guy at the bank you blew to get the lower interest rate?
um. wrong number, but good luck with your loan
DC is easy, you will figure it out.
I'm drunk and blonde. You are wayyyy underestimating this.
There's a ton of international students in my suite and I'm just sitting in this chair with no pants on eating frosted flakes
Business idea: assless chaps for toddlers. I'm high.
I have "if found please return to" written in sharpie on my arm, my uterus is rejecting everything, and I have hickies. I must actually be an 18 year old piece of shit girl instead of a responsible 23 year old
Now just crop his dad out and add it to the spank bank.
He was walking around and kept offering the neighbors flamingo lawn ornaments shots of vodka.
I just gave my boss a blowjob. underneath his desk at work. that promotion is mine!
high I am. I am yoda. Yoda I am
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