Excuse me do you have gonnorhea?
just joined the mile high club. if this plane crashes because of this text, it was worth.
We found him pissing on the sidewalk in his socks signing the national anthem. I love you summer.
Out of all the things I've put my penis in, this seems the most unfortunate.
You started laughing mid-cry and when I asked you said, "my tears taste like vodka."
You remember that guy i fucked in Ireland who stopped in the middle to talk about why he had 8 pillows on his bed? Yeah he's following me on twitter...
FUCK... Pulled a chick from the bar went to her house passed out on the shitter. She lives in a house full of girls. They were making poop jokes as i left
Drinking a bawls. If I'm dead when you get home, yes, they are poisoned.
btw im having a "its finally warm enough for a bbq in Toronto" party tonight. bring all the alcohol you have. and hamburger buns.
Those tiny little fruit fly looking mofos. They fly past the phone and I grabbed them like Daniel-San
hahaha every time i hear a motorcycle i think about that one time you almost died
Thanks for the flashbacks you prick.
Your boyfriends underwear are hanging from my kitchen window. Where the fuck are you?!
You are attracted to power and since you can't date the married old guy you have to go for the next best thing - his gay son
Wow I really just sharted up in this Kroger
No one can touch me, I'm made of fruit.
Randomize
