I told her it just looked small because my balls were gigantic. She bought it.
the condom got lost in my hair
I see an opportunity for you to use your nakedness to cure my boredom.
there's just something about her that screams "i'm into chicks who wear flannel"
this is the fifth day in a row i've woken up after 3 pm, hungover. I might die when snowmageddon is finally over and we have to go back to class. my liver wont know how to take it.
Just seeing my phone say "picture message from: Senor Floppy Cock", i knew it was going to make me smile.
I have a question, if it paid really well, like ridiculously well, would you be a restaraunts under the table resident blowjob girl?
And then I interrupted the father of the groom, to ask if she was "ballet or pole" in the middle of his story about his niece, the dancer.
I don't remember anything that happened last night past 10.. I made him buy me a Buckeye's Donut tshirt. I have no idea why he'd want to fuck me after that.
If you already knew specifically that I was smoking a bowl in my remodeled bathroom AND THEN still wanted to initiate sexting, please proceed to the altar and marry me this instant.
I'm not sure what step "make amends" is, but my phone is on
I was a little curious what "unspeakable" things he could possibly do to my feet
I was so high I just stared at the papa john's app on my phone and cried
It's official. I have spent more money on weed than on textbooks this semester.
long story short, he tried to fuck me standing up, toppled over, and now I have four stitches next to my eye
Randomize
