suddenly SuperBad didn't seem so funny anymore...she did have her period on my leg.
I dont have enough money in my bank account to buy a pregnancy test. this wouldnt be the first time ive had to steal one either...
She didn't know my name but she knew I was Canadian so she just called me Canada. It sounded like the national anthem when we were fucking.
All semester I have been trying to figure out if this kid in front of me is gay. His cell phone just went off with Britney's "Circus". Case closed.
After he called me a "spirited little girl" I realized that I need to stop sleeping with guys more than ten years older than me.
You hopped on the counter after puking, and told us you were wearing bare feet and didn't want to be alone.
Sat down on an escalator. That hungover.
I sexy timed too hard and there is an ass shaped piece of a ping pong table now missing bc of it. How am I allowed to leave the house without a helmet?
Just got a blowie during the Avengers. It's weird knowing that the high point of your life just happened.
Apparently I really was petting a bunny named lazarus in Jimmy Johns last night.
I'm not sure. But a mason jar of drug free urine just as soon as anyone can would be so awesome.
Date #3: He brought me a mason jar full of organic weed that he grew on his property. Will you be the witness when we sign our marriage license?
There's no button for "gave my boyfriend's cock to a friend" on my intimacy calendar.
My neighbor came out@4am in a pink nite gown n clotheslined a punk on a mo-ped w/her mop handle, then just walked back in her house like she just checked the mail. MILF 1 PUNK 0
Lost and found: pink cotton underwear next to my bed and soaking wet Reebok socks or boxers in a plastic bag...in my fridge🤔
Randomize
