you were stealing lawn gnomes and punching cars. I'm not surprised you got arrested.
the only muscles i have these days is kegels
We made a late night liquor run, made margaritas and bloody marys and then retreated to opposite sides of the house to drink them. Alone.
You guys make me sad
You misspelled jealous there
I'm getting very mixed reviews. One friend told me to stop drinking bc the last 3 times he's heard from me I've either peed my pants, been throwing up, or people have been having sex beside me.
Strangely enough I'm encouraging you to keep drinking for all the same reasons.
eating kraft dinner with my face. no forks.
TINY HANDS NOT FOR BUTTHOLES
This is going everywhere on the internet.
remember how i yelled at you for inviting that coke dealer to the party?! i found the $100 bill they were snorting with in the couch.
..new slutty dresses or booze? i won't even waste time with the i told you so.
I don't know which is worse, the fact that he can say will you fuck me in so many languages or that I'm turned on because of that
Could we try to replay the decision making process whereby only you and I bought and drank a keg this weekend? Because there were some fundamental flaws!
best eviction party ever.
it wasn't an eviction party you asshole, you just happened to get yourself evicted during the party.
I didn't know I was invited to an orgy.
I don't want to be drunk any more. Can you hit the off switch?
Would you be so kind as to inform your husband that my truck is forever cursed by mashed potatoes and it's his fault.
It took me longer to jump start my car and get to his house than the fucking actually took.....
She was screaming and crying about how she couldn't find her middle finger. Then, she threw her body on to the pavement. Thats the last time we buy a freshmen a handle.
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