Wooohooo! I'm sitting in the car like a creep watching people walk in and out of Blush. Lots of happy people.
I just talked to a CEO of a fortune 500 company while pooping. I LOVE being self employed.
Saved By The Bell: The College Years had it waaaay wrong on that one.
btw good call for not making out for a pitcher of vodka, this hangover is bad enough
cracked out the beer snorkel again. that thing has a five for five record of getting me naked.
You are like a vicious sex animal persistently seeking prey
I just sang country roads at the top of my lungs with my cab driver. Tonight was a success.
You know I think I am ok with him not moving in yet. He came over, fixed my closet, ate me out, and left. I'm now in sweats drinking coke and rum and watching new girl. This works for me.
As a plus, I've lost 5 pounds in two days, so "party all weekend" is officially a valid diet plan.
You FaceTimed your mom in the back of the limo telling her how many guys you hooked up with at the concert
I think I'm gonna cut my hair just so I stop waking up with semen in it
Are you done yet? I've eaten three corndogs so I'm ready 2 party.
You know how it is. Tell me not to do somebody and suddenly I wanna.
woke up hungover this morning lying in a water raft covered in water.. i dont know if i should consider this good or bad
The school better be open next year. I’ve been FB stalking Dads of my incoming students and there’s serious DILFage in this class! Maybe 2020 will turn around!
It’s 2020. You’ll probably get knocked up. If you’re really lucky you’ll just get the clap
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