Why are you such a perv today?
This is a lot to handle
Oh shh
I'm kidding you prude take a joke
I'm sorry that you just had your first misguided homo experience
I walked out of the bathroom and both of you girls were giving the gay guy head. I was like, "laaaterrr."
Why is it people are always in costumes on Cheaters these days? Joe Greco literally just said, "It appears they get chased by a chicken with a chainsaw." WTF?
sitting in an airport in detroit. just saw a commercial for detroit tourism with kid rock as a spokesman. reason # 1458 to never visit this city.
she smells like cat throw up and cupcakes. i'm trying to focus on the cupcakes but it's really. hard.
After giving a back rub to someone in the bathroom of the theater, he ripped an "employees must wash hands" sign off the wall to prove that he could and proceeded to hang it up in his house.
Apparently i asked the cab driver how much the ride was going to cost, (he said about $25) then i offered him 50 to let me drive the cab...
i think the theme of this summer is "shitting in weird locations."
my binge eating and her being stoned all the time has reduced us to a bowl of chinese candies, frozen bacon and a stick of butter, we do however have enough alcohol to start our own liquor store.
There are two women in my bed. I'm gonna have a bowl of noodles so I can better understand my success.
Blacking out is all I've done this year and we're only 3 days in. Checkmate bitch.
He said he remembers me...standing on a snowy roof, smoking a blunt, yelling "you're pretty fly for a white guy" at him. Sounds about right.
I love you. I would never turn you into a bear.
90% sure I just sold adderall to my professor
100% proud
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