Need a ride. Apparently screaming about the bartender's erectile dysfunction gets you kicked out.
the girls im babysitting are trying to see how much jello they can swallow without chewing...their future boyfriends are lucky
She had the hiccups when she was giving me head. It was actually pretty awesome
Got a personal ride from safe ride. I was crying so hard. The driver said think of something happy and I said Disney. In which I sang him Aladdin. So I got home ok
My last google search was 'bulk asian wives' I don't know either
I NEED ANOTHER LEVEL OF CAPS TO EXPRESS TO YOU THE MAGNITUDE OF MY FADDEDNESS
I told him he was, quote: "A big cuddly bear" and he needed to get into my bed or I would set his Golden Retriever free.
I think one of your friend's offered my friend chicken tenders back at his place...just FYI he should probably come up w/ another line
Before you jump in that vagina remember there's a reason we call her Infectonator.
I have so many feelings about this burrito
Your shirt... Was in my pants
I never realized the effects a broken spine would have on my sex life
Shut up. I hate you. We're doing shots tomorrow. Fuck the consequences.
I'M NOT EVEN STOPPING FOR WINE SO I CAN GET TO THAT DICK QUICKER.
All our friends are getting married, and I'm the dateless guy bringing molly to their weddings.
Randomize
