I will die if light touches me.
I may be a little high but I'm pretty sure my alphabet soup has only Os in it
We call that spaghetti Os
I'm not being over dramatic, but I think my heart is going to stop beating.
Dorm room. In. Elevator. Fell in. Boom. Puke
Passive mediator is your role in this relationship. My role is dick punching arsonist
Night. I'll wake u up at 6 with the unfinnished vodka bottle so be prepared young grasshoper. U have much to learn.
walk of shame to my ortho appointment. kids are staring. this little girl just asked her mom if she can havr glitter in her hair too.
You cant come. You're a Colorado native who drinks Bud over Coors. Fucking homegrown terrorist.
It's okay. I've dumbed down my notes over the semester because I knew I wouldn't be up to understanding things come finals.
omg sorry but i tried to stop you when you were at your drunk limit but i took my eyes off you for like 2 seconds and you suddenly appeared with hard liquor in both hands for yourself and downed them and it was downhill from there
You kept screaming, "Fuck her right in the personality" and then kissed a guy and slapped him across the face
I tried to have a quickie with him at the company happy hour. I think I need to quit my job.
He fell asleep on top of me after sex. For 3 hours. Poor guy worked too hard.
I'm just imagining Oprah like "you're popping a boner, and you're popping a boner...EVERYONE IS POPPING A BONER"
Let's just say, I'm pretty sure you're banned from Skype.... like, forever.
Randomize
