Grilled cheese is the best thing. ever. better than boys, and alcohol, and sex, and chocolate, and money. But not really the last two.
For the record, a bath beer is far superior to a shower beer...
i was way too optimistic last night... got back to my apartment and the porch light was still on, like i'd actually make it all the way home.
it was either a really good one night stand or a really really good first date. thank you online dating
They're pole dancing on a handicap sign post.
I don't care if we have to swim home from the bar, Im not gonna sit home in the dark and read some fucking book
I am ina trunk. Iam in a trunnnnnjkk. I hope its yours. Oh manomanomano. Thids better be your trunk
He said it was fake. Like really? Hey baby, I wanna sleep with you, so here's a picture of a fake tiny dick
I was high last night eating a fudge bar and making eggs with toast and corned beef hash for a 2 am snack and my dad asked what I was and the only reply I could think of was "I'm an adult."
He didn't even realize I was drunk. He probably just thought I loved Torchwood so much that I no longer knew how to use my thumbs
You passed out in your dogs bed and you only willingly woke up because I told there was a bottle of vodka and a snickers bar waiting for you upstairs
i refuse to sex anyone who doesn't get my lord of the rings references. no exceptions.
I did something very bad. More specifically, my boss.
And our sex soundtracks thus far have been metal and Star Wars
Ccatlin cimbing thru th sunroof plz come
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