I'd rather drink alone in my closet than hang out with that girl
Funny thing- my attraction to each one is inversely proportional to his level of availability.
She's like a coupon for free blow jobs. No purchase necessary.
Bro, i just sang journey's "dont stop beleavin" at mcdonalds. and the guy was sooo impressed he gave us free food. God i love america
Last night you were talking while puking saying, "ahh the shoes and the purse, I'm gonna have to wash those"
He smashed a plastic chair leg on a tree stump, threw himself into the side of our metal enclosure, stomped on the wreckage for a bit and then punched the fire.
I'll be on pinterest all night planning crafty things to do with my cats in 10 years.
You didn't act like you were blacked out yesterday...
I didn't know
And I'm determined to make an Eiffel Tower happen sometime. I just don't know who will take the pic (first world sex problem?)
The only thing left on my Bucket List is getting fingered at an aquarium.
In other news, Justin Bieber has a big dick and that makes me uncomfortable.
WEED BROWNIES! He put weed in my brownie mix! And he got it from YYYYOOOOUUUU!
Look at the bright side mom. After 20 years dad is still capable of surprising you!
Shut up Max.
I watched one of the videos of you hanging from the rafters, and it is both violent and sexual in nature.
Bold words for someone NOT on a unicycle
I just bartered a blowjob for the ex-fiancée's engagement ring. FTW!
Randomize
