I am engaged
To a real live girl that has met me
And I just remember seeing him for the first time and being like, who is this ape of a man? Like legit he could be the missing link
chicago's viagra triangle is not unlike the bermuda triangle in thatt things just get lost...... planes, ships, dignity, virginity, etc.
it's like there's an entire ecosystem in your vagina.
the cops didnt even wait to start drinking the confiscated alchohol from the party
The only thing better than Call of Duty is getting jerked off while playing Call of Duty.
test run with donkey pinata disastrous. broken glass and tequila EVERYWHERE
I just entered us to win a trip to Vegas for spring break. GET YOUR VAGINA READY FOR THE ULTIMATE DICK HUNT!
I believe you called it tequila and nipples. The proceeded to strike a pose.
Using a miniature baseball bat to kill a mosquito in the house may not have been the most efficient or safest way, but that thing is fucking dead. However, so are three wine glasses, a lamp, and my baseball bat privileges. Worth it.
I'm using my dog as a pillow. He's cool with it.
To this day, I regret not having sex in the bathroom
She sent me a video of herself sitting in the car stone faced listening to the Titanic song on silence. She won't answer my texts.
I just walked into my kitchen and my little brother is standing with his face two inches from the clock, staring at it, and eating an apple. I asked wtf he was doing and he just goes "the hour hand is moving VERY slowly".
You followed me up the stairs while i was throwing up yelling "projectile! projectile! projectile!"
Randomize
