I told them you could toss a salad like wolfgang puck
I drank gravy. I actually drank gravy. This is heaven.
You threw up on yourself, then proceeded to tell us "to not make a mess in your car"
I poured myself a glass of chocolate chips at some point during the evening.
I'm eating Doritos that I crushed up n put in a cup so I only have to chill minimally.
No no don't get confused. We do chemistry homework on Thursdays. We screw on Fridays. Other than that, Words With Friends is our only communication five days a week. We are NOT dating.
I am too drunk to be out in this weather around all these animals.
By the time the opening band finished, she was already slurring, coming on to the gay couple next to us, and waving her panties in the air.
I only had sex with him so I could try to steal his roommate's cat, what kind of girl do you think I am?
I'm literally 40 minutes from where I was supposed to stay. I woke up in a parking lot.
not sure when or how we ended up at this wedding party but you need to be here they are handing out screwdrivers and Yamakas to everyone and it's a got damn open bar you need to be here now
I made it 1 week... 5 business days at my new job before sleeping with my coworker.
my dad walked in on me peeing into the trashcan in our kitchen last night at like 2am. wtf
ready for a night of bad decisions, horrible moral standards, and an unhealthy amount of illegal substances.
Yeah, let's go with that. Fuck that weak moment of complete honesty I just had.
Randomize