you always know who the new freshman are on fb because theyre always wearing prom dresses
I have big tits. Rules don't apply to me.
Pants on the Ground is the theme song of my life
he drank a monster margarita at dinner. had to ask me if it was dollars or minutes that ended in 60.
Can we comment on the fact that at five thirty this morning, security woke me up in the hotel lobby, in my underwear, and some random guys winter coat?
Just had a stripper snatch my glasses off my face with her ass
No. I want to vom filet mignon and ziti bits everywhere and my body feels like I ran a cock triathalon. I feel less triumphant and more like death.
Dude I really need to stop drinking. I chugged a whole bottle of ketchup last night.
We are without power. He took ALL the lightbulbs out and hid them.
And it was in that moment when I realized that these high schoolers looked up to me and that I should set a good example. So I stole a casserole and left.
Oh hello Jordan's parents, I'm here to have sex with your son. He's in the shower? Oh great, I'll join him
I woke up and saw that my last google search was "Bacon neck".
I woke up at 6:30 in the morning on the A train on 14th street. You wouldn't know anything about that right?
Clothing is a burden necessitated by propriety.
Maybe the "i killed someone" and "tequila makes my clothes come off" comments freaked him out.
Randomize
