Best text conversation ever. Other than the one we had about using blood for lube.
He grabbed onto my boobs while slipping on ice then proceeded to drag me down with him I'm not predicting head in his future
Tried to steal a keytar from my hook up's house.
It's Friday afternoon and I'm drunk. This is how I cope.
Apparently I texted my high school english teacher asking her to tell me what logical fallacies she taught us three years ago.
Topless bubble bath with a lesbian is debatable as a gay experience.
he looks SO much like Drake, I feel like an extreme groupie every time we have sex.
Can I borrow you for, like, thirty minutes so you can lay on one boob and rub the other until I fall asleep?
I mean, on what planet are nipples suppose to look like that?
It was like a square peg in a round hole... I've never seen one shaped like a stick of butter...
Eric was just sitting there open-mouthed swallowing sake from that squirt bottle for so long the lady across from us leaned over to her kid and told him not to end up like "the big alcoholic one"
If I send Ben a tit pic but I do it while wearing a Tom Brady mask is that funny or creepy
Tolerating him while I'm not drunk is like trying to find a word that rhymes with orange
Walking into my bedroom & smelling stale sex & disappointment isn't how I envisioned being 39, in case you were wondering.
UPDATE: THERE IS ASS EATING. I REPEAT: THERE IS ASS EATING.
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