just jacked off with my ROTC uniform on. boy i feel like an american.
Her dress is practically falling off. It must know I'm here.
I know we had a good night last night because his turtle was half asleep chewing on the used condom.
Just before going down on me she said, "I need a hairband for all of the jobs I'm about to perform."
and now that ive poetically compared your vagina to a nuclear missile, I hope youre prepared for this date.
No, my body just knows its the weekend and wants to rage. Very different from alcoholism
I was preparing to do my walk of shame shirtless, but then I found my sweater, wallet and keys neatly piled under a tree in the park.
She wants to practice her harmonica skills on my penis
Almost told my boss I was an expert aat swallowing when he questioned my ability to take excedrin,xanax, and a vitamin all at once. It was a medicinal gang bang lubricated by arizona tea.
Legitimate concern. Who am I going to have birthday sex with?
Nothing says "future AA member" like bonging 40's out of a plastic flamingo.
Please come quick there are people in suits here judging me
there's an entire drinking game devoted to nobody liking her face
And then the templeton police were like "oh I remember her, yeah the blue haired girl that we picked up cause she was passed out drunk on the side of the road"
Yeah, so if you ever try to steal it, just know my tongue's been on it in several occasions. All over it.
Randomize
