everytime he calls himself the maxipad master i can't help but wonder what costume that would involve.
you really should stop posting my phone number on craigslist as tranny seeking tranny, last night i answered at family dinner and almost choked on my hot dog
do you not see the irony in that??
We couldn't find any ping pong balls, so we used a fishing bobber. Could we be more country?
Left my card at the bar and had a drunk girl climb on the hood of my running car to scream at me.
You should really trust me on this one. "hit it and quit it" might not be the best career move on your part...
Me and him were fist fighting in the back of the cab and I offered the driver a 100% tip to call him an asshole. I don't know why.
I had one glass of wine then passed out for 4 hours. It's like I'm having a quarter-life crisis.
I don't know what happened this summer, I've lost my sense of morality. All I do now is work, get drunk, and have sex near national landmarks.
As if I wouldn't steal Nintendo brand "Mario is my HOMEBOY!" boxers when he gave me the entire drawer to choose from.
You said this was your mistake shot and then vomited on the tv. Never forget.
Fire trucks are here again. It wasn't me this time.
I'm wine drunk & this is not good news for anybody
See that doesn't work because we've had sex so its awkward for you to call me mom
YOU FUCKED THE DARE INSTRUCTOR DIDN'T YOU?
is it sad that the highlight of my saturday night was waiting till 3 in the morning to hear about your saturday night?
Randomize
