we were having sex in the shower and he dropped me. try explaining THAT to your concerned little brother
i just sat at a stop sign for 10 minutes waiting for it to turn green. i need to STOP SMOKING THIS SHIT.
you're putting all your eggs in a very hungover basket
he just flicked a booger into my mouth and shouted "goaaaal!"
So, apparently, "i expected your penis to be bigger" isn't good pillow talk.
This guy legit just tried to LSAT formal logic his way into my pants. Contrapositives and everything.
Absolutely. Last time I signed up for a softball league I had sex with my high school economics teacher.
just found a bag of Oreos in my purse labeled "emergency".
Omg just remembered. I tried to kidnap a dog.
I smell like a skunk, but I'm okay with that.
MY GOD DAMN TV STOPS WORKING EVERY TIME I AM THIS FUCKING HIGH. WHY MUST IT TORMENT ME?!
he just asked me that if he was a penguin and I was a penguin if I would fuck him
I'm her ex, so unless you're interested in her massive moral failings and open season vagina, I'm not your guy.
As a member of the kink community, I feel grossly misrepresented
You did an excessive amount of blow and then screamed "WHO THE FUCK NEEDS A LADDER?!" And then Mario style wall-jumped onto the roof. It was one of the most impressive things I've ever seen.
Randomize
