I may or may not have screamed I'M ON A BOAT while having sex...on a boat. I think I was born to have sex with him.
IM SAVING ALL MY LOVE FOR YOU
I don't want it.
so i used to love airports for the escalators... now its the bars... then the escalators after the bars
keep an eye on me. i'm afraid that after a few more drinks i'll ask to borrow his wheelchair.
I'm glad we have the kind of friendship where if either of us is too drunk to fuck a hot guy, we pass the responsibility to each other and get the job done.
I just re read that. We really need to get our lives together.
We need to stop sleeping with people based on which NFL team they like.
Ok just don't go to jail. I saw your account balance. It can't take that.
Yeah dude, it's amazing. Be careful though, that shit is really really intense. Like it's way more intense than normal shit...
I took two and feel like crushed diamonds spread over glazing marmalade
I am eating deep fried cinnamon rolls and I found a lighter in my sprinkles. I miss you.
All I know is when I checked my phone this morning google translate was open with "help the cow ate my robot" translated to French
you smell like cheap hookers & chicken nuggets.
Hey, it's Valentine's Day weekend and were single and off our periods. Let's live like queens.
His dick is a spiritual experience and meditation is very important to me.
You hear the wildest shit in a Walmart bathroom.
If you wear a peguin suit you MUST send me a picture!!!
Randomize
