When I woke up his cat was sleeping on my face and i had scratch marks on my neck. not happy.
only room for one pussy in that bed.
Sry I left before you woke up. The house was really fucked up and I didn't feel like helping you clean. PS Somebody threw up on your dog
Do your friends by chance have our inflatable deer head?
Nevermind, it's in the dryer.
If I am going to pay someone to make me puke, it's going to be the bartender.
I think im gonna bang this 35 year old at a kids birthday party in the bathroom at this house while the kids open the presents.
I have no idea. But that is beside the point bc in vegas I'm a pro vball player from Ireland and a veterinarian on the weekends
My liver and I thought we knew what we signed up for. We were wrong.
She told me she was eating frosting, then I got the weirdest boner ever
Judging by the progress I've made since I woke up (none) I'm thinking this hangover may keep me in bed.
I completely forgot about the posting of partying pics shortly after adding my gma my dad was like grandma says your all over fb but she doesn't know how to use it. Of course I'm all over her fb. She's got 6 friends I am her newsfeed
I should be rewarded with oreos for not turning into a raging cunt.
Can you please stop fucking every bartender in the city? Just once I want to have a Jack and Coke without fielding questions about your availability.
I don't know where I'm at. But I'm pretty sure what I'm looking at is a small bear.
I'm sorry, I'm tired, I can't play long distance cockblock anymore. Good night don't get too pregnant.
I have betrayed my no carb ways & I can feel it.
Embrace it. Come over to the dark side. I'll feed you muffins while stroking your hair.
Randomize
