I love watching others lives come down to our level.
You are two creepy Justin Bieber quotes away from me not talking to you for the rest of the day
If I had a pelvic thrust emoticon, I would use it
As soon as he lost the election, the reception's open bar became a cash bar. I have never been so disappointed in my countrymen.
Remind me tomorrow to take that ball-gag out of my purse.
I'm really really gonna try not to at least one night. The 4 day thanksgiving bender almost killed me last year
Caleb has a beard comb now. Also I have a pube comb now too. May or may not be related incidents
What guy invites over a booty call, gets all naked and then when the real fun begins and a condom is needed, claims to not have one? And wears socks THE entire time?
99% of the contents of my handbag are ketchup packets and condoms. I feel that says a lot about me as a person.
ayo
its like you know when i get waxed
Ryan. I woke up. At the neighbors house. And by the neighbors. I mean the ones to the north. The ones that hate us. Please call me. I am so confused and you are gone
At the neighbors house?! Like in it or outside???
In it on the fucking couch. No idea how i got here.
You shouted “im bobby labonte!” In the process of shoutgunning a beer. He said you were too redneck for him...
You went into my bathroom put on my bathrobe.. Said excuse me then went in my front yard and started yelling who ate my whopper..
Relationship goals: we both wore red underwear tonight. Except he won’t know because my bra been off but it’s the thought that counts I guess.
How in the fuck did you get LIVE MOTHER FUCKING BATS!?!?! Into my ROOM last night????
Dude I left his house at 5:30 a.m. after you peed on his front door and then tried to fight me for my blanket. Don't even do that at my house or I will end you.
hahahahaha. Worst. Text. Ever.
Randomize
