What are you doing tonight?
Watching dora the explorer and pining for a sex life.
You taught me that having a dip while u shit is awesome. I appreciate u for that
Just assessed the damage in the bath. Two love bites. One bruise on the inner thigh. Strange awareness of what i'm assuming is my cervix. I've definitely missed you. x
bottle of wine in one hand cigar in the other. 5 am. topless on our fire escape. and she cleaned our bathroom... i like his new girlfriend.
He played a tape of his mad rapping skills after the final...his rapper name was Mad Stylz and he rapped about all the pussy he got in the 90's. I love Sociology.
Came to from my blackout with native american warrior facepaint on I'm too old for this shit
The facepaint not the blacking out
He was my shower sex Sherpa last night. And we both made it safely up the mountain.
If anyone wants to ring in the new year with gluttony and yoga pants, let me know. As soon as it becomes a socially acceptable hour to drink margaritas, I'm gonna go down on a chimichanga.
Was the first guy that bit your neck last night wearing a trenchcoat...I have a vague memory.
You passed out and I didn't draw a penis on your face. Sister of the year.
So don't be alarmed when you go into your bathroom, he's sleeping in the tub with your brothers dinosaurs. also I'll clean up the sticky floor later. (you don't wanna know)
There is absolutely a 0% chance my hips will make it out of this twerking business fully functional
I threw up in the shower. I cleaned it all up and there is on mess at all. This hangover has become borderline religous. Powerful and life changing.
Stop chatting and get in the fucking car. I didn't get my asexual ass out of bed just to watch you flirt and fail with someone you're never going to see again.
you tried to fight the cop who was busting the party, you said you had a constitutional right to do a keg stand...
Randomize