Reindeer Drinking Games will soon commence. Get over here while we're still sober enough to answer the door.
let me put this in terms we both understand. he was the crunchwrap supreme of men--the perfect combo of all things manly, gooey and delicious. and ready for instant enjoyment.
So on how many levels of wrong is it that I'm reconsidering my divorce simply because I don't want to go through getting used to shitting around someone again.
I made him breakfast and we cuddled on the couch watching march of the penguins, which is, in case you were unaware, the opposite of fucking on a pool table
Next person that gets my dog drunk is paying to have my carpet cleaned. I am tired of getting up to pee and stepping in dog barf.
Weirdly I'm doing ok, but I've tested positive for chlamydia, I wanted to let you know
Who had my phone last night? Whoever it was sent "Fuck you, you're adopted" to half the people on my contact list.
So I pull up to an apartment complex and immediately felt like I was here to get stoned.
I just dropped a paperclip into my cleavage while talking to the company president... That's an awkward moment.
Did you at least offer to let him get it out??
I appreciate you letting me know that the bird died but why didn't you do something about the corpse? or at least give me a heads up that it was still in the cage..Jesus
you have no idea how hungover I am. I can't deal with death right now.
There are grandparents doing keg stands I don't know
for once I'd like a one night stand where I don't meet the guys mom or wife in the morning
All the doctor said was why
While he was fucking me, he just stopped and said, "Mike says Hi." Then proceeded to fuck me.
What did you do?
What do you say to that!? But, when I came, I screamed out my full name.
Like sorry your dick won’t suck itself?
Randomize
