So. Did i wake up at 430, try to drive home, stop to throw up at a shell, and try to clean out my car and drop my keys in a full dumpster? Yes.
There are few people I can ask this w/o being looked at as insane... Do you ever some days get fascinated by how amazing your own breast look?
I cannot remember December 31 for the past 3 years. it might as well not even exist on my calendar anymore
In the middle of fucking me, she said "Hold on, I need my Hulk hands."
I'm thankful she wil die Alone. And I'm thankful I slept wiht her cousin. And brother.
Please call me back as soon as your phone is charged, if you die tonight I don't want the last thing I said to you to be "I just farted a little"
ALTON JUST DID GRAVY SHOTS. THIS IS WHY HE'S MY HERO
As we're eating sushi she goes I just want to get a disease so my mom can take care of me... Great first date
I'll make some time for you! I don't know how long you need to get off, but I should only need 2-7 minutes, pending what kind of socks I have on.
I just realized that the first thing he ever bought me was Plan B.
Don't make emojis simulating eating me out
my last search of the night was "the physics of green eggs and ham" what the fuck
But I put cranberries and apples in my wine so it's festive drinking not suicidal drinking
somehow I wound up on the floor crying about his beard. then telling everyone I'd give him a "lesbian blowjob".
If you find out what that means, show me.
yes that’s a photo of a horny gay donkey
Oh I know. I’ve known many horny gay donkeys in my time.
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