I closed that bar. Sang every Beatles song in the book. Made Somoan friends.
He managed to light the Jello on fire...
as soon as his mom opened the door to let me in the house she asked if i would like a shot
it's gonna be a great weekend
surprisingly enough, it isn't that uncomfortable to have sex with a heart monitor on
I could be wrong, but im pretty sure i jumped off the roof after my lighter.
They found a chair, duct taped me to it, then gave me a bottle of vodka to 'make me feel at home'
Why is Kyle using one of my nieces as a blunt object to provoke and attack my other niece?
seriously. next time...underwear. I'm not spending any other holiday season wondering if it'll be my last babyless one.
Lab coat again saves the day - hiding embarrassing shart evidence...
So I'm pretty sure I told every one at the party that "I'm going to fuck my pillow pets tonight?"
look for me at the Giants game I will possibly be the drunk girl passed out by 2nd
My Sundays are fucking awful. Can't get a blow job.....can't get a win.
I need a fucking roommate.
You need a fucking babysitter.
I haven't listened to news as I've been having lesbian sex all night. Anything new?
Remember those neighbors I thought were FBI agents? Turns out they're DEA.
Randomize
