Party's warming up, a tranny just got here...
I feel like a panda just shit rainbows on my mind
"tonights gonna be a goodnight" was blasting at the club while i was screaming "NO ITS NOT" and crying. How do you think it went?
I just hemmed my dress for halloween, never felt more like a man
Someone's playing Limp Bizkit out loud on the train. I think the decade reset it self.
I woke up to her staring at me in a corner moaning over and over again about how good the pie crust tasted
Its official. Girls from Indiana do not give rim jobs.
Chef at hibachi place learned it was my bday and sprayed 20 second count worth of saki in my mouth. Not sure it was the right image to share with my kids, but thought you'd be proud.
I need to hump something and I know u understand.
He played with my boobs the whole time we watched Scott Pilgrim and then started invited others to play with them too. It reminded me of how my mom gives out my french fries without asking.
I also woke up on my floor. Naked. On a pile of clothes. With my head in the trash can. And a sheet over me.
Who the fuck gets injured on a merry-go-round? HOW IS IT POSSIBLE??
I used an explanation of Walking Marriages in the Mosuo Culture to successfully negotiate an open relationship. That Anthropology degree is finally starting to pay off.
She wanted to get out of there before you guys woke up so she wouldn't let me find my underwear. Lol So I apologize to whoever finds that in your room.
Gave his drunk ass water, & he poured it on my shirt while saying "WET T-SHIRT CONTEST!" When reminded of it today he replied with, "at least you came in first place"
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