Tonight must have been good, I have already had two cups of coffee but still couldn't figure out how to operate a door.
You know whats sad? As I walk past the campus daycare i cant help think, look at those drunk mistakes
Never again. Her vagina looked like a sad old man.
it was the drunk execution of a sober decision, and its much more tasteful than the first mullet
Please tell me that's his leg and you didn't really just send me a picture of your dog's dick
Yes. Yes. Double yes. I'll bring the tits. You bring the frosting.
He's drinking 50/50 vodka/water out of a camelback. Disaster would be a compliment at this point.
Ps there is nothing more humbling in the world than havin to watch cheaper by the dozen on the waiting room tv while getting the morning after pill at the drs. Nothing
No one suspects that a sweet girl who is excited about her anniversary with her bf just blew her partner at work in a communal area a few hours ago, so its cool.
Dude, im sorry I had sex with that girl I was trying to hook you up with last night. Good news though she puts out
Also this guy fingered me at the bar and then gave me his card
My horseshoe mustache feels at home at this bar.
my life is turning into trapped in the closet at way too fast a speed for me to feel comfortable.
All I could think about while we were fucking was what Hogwarts house he would be in
No I dont want him to bring his twin brother, cause then ill have to entertain him with my vagina
Randomize
