Friends don't let friends fuck ugly girls. WALK AWAY FROM HER!
That girl would be way hotter if she changed her face.
i woke up, turned over, and noticed an assortment of knives stuck in my wall. i should prob stop drinking
This guy legit just tried to LSAT formal logic his way into my pants. Contrapositives and everything.
Just come over and take your pants off. 35 mins tops. You'll be home before midnight cinderella
This wouldn't happen so much if fat girls would just stop being so damn easy.
I'm Still in a robe trying to piece together 3-7am I'll be there in a few
playing nyquil roulette. it entails taking shots of nyquil and hoping it doesnt kick in during sex or in public. game on.
i have a queen bed, a cherrywood bed frame, and gold sheets. how are you saying no to me right now?
Hi. This might be awkward, but I met you on saturday at about 330 am. I have to admit I don't remember your name, what we talked about, or various details of how I got home. What I do remember is that I was invested enough in getting your number to ask my cab driver for a pen to write it down since my phone was dead. So do you want to meet, soberer, some time?
Hey bro I think you got the wrong number I'm a dude
I asked if I could borrow some condoms. She referred to herself as "a soup kitchen for whores".
My general physician told me i have the emotional capacity of a 2 year old, While he refilled my xanax prescription. That's service!
Is it weird that my ex and the dude I'm talking to now both only have one testicle? Apparently I've found my type..
I don't think he understands that his kid doesn't bother me. I have a binder full of developmentally appropriate early childhood activities.
Either go for divorced men who are forty plus or stop doing this immediately. You are 23 years old. You need more wine and less baby fever
Omg worst high ever. I'm watching Parks and Rec, and all i can think about is how andy, leslie, and tom are my closest friends. Forever alone.
Randomize
