escape the fate? dumbest band name ever. how about escape the fart. now that is a show i would go see!
He managed to light the Jello on fire...
Housing is going to charge us for any broken dishes/glassware. Steal as many glasses as you can from the bars tonight. I got the baking dish and 3 plates covered.
I sent her 8 pictures of my dick in a baked potato. Not sure how I thought that would get me laid later.
Johns diaper came in the mail. He's freaking out thinking there's some conspiracy going on since he sharted on the drive home from st. Louis
My nephew just told me I smell like apathy and regret. Thats the hangover I'm dealing with
My usual answer of have sex with it doesn't work in this situation
My ideal friend would be my dog as a drug dealer
This bird just went for my eyes. Does he think I'm dead???
Let's just say it was like a porno version of Aladdin....
She looked so much better when u didn't look at her and the music was too loud to hear her
I think I found my saving grace in the form of a beard at the bar.
I was giving this fat lawyer a table dance and he asked me if I would be willing to play with his long, hard stick of the law. And you want me to stop drinking at work?
Now that I'm sober I feel the need to tell you that I'm not really a fish whisperer....
My EX’s roommate heard about the breakup and offered to help me bang it out. I think she hates her even more than I do.
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