I'm drinking while my friends build sand castles, now I know how my dad used to feel
i wish i could just chop off my fat with a knife..i would rather endure that than work out
The pet store wouldn't sell us fish because they said they could tell we were drunk.
Found my shoes and purse. They're all strapped together in my neighbor's tree. Need to borrow your ladder. Thanks in advance
no you went to jail because you don't know how to whisper when offering a cop a blow job. I'm sure him having a chick partner didn't help.
We made a water bong out of a wine bottle... Being an architect major finally payed off.
Wow I didn't even consider the possibility of him having ED. I'm gaining so many life experiences from dating an older man
I found my keys in the basement freezer. Drunk me is a sneaky little bastard.
Boss out of town. Had 2 beers for lunch, a long walk and a bowl...and then in he comes. Blamed obvious intoxication on my pain meds. Back at the bar. This is one of those bad judgement days.
If it goes near your penis, it should not go near the Hawks.
I just have to decide what I love more, food or dick.
COME HERE AND I WILL SUCK YOUR COCK UNDER THE LIGHT OF THIS BEAUTIFUL ELECTRICITY
Long story short, I found someone who takes me seriously when I say I have a Shakespeare kink.
PS there is a naked boy in my bed and I just left for the bar...
There is a couple fucking in the outback bathroom and at first I thought it was sick but than I remembered my Outback fantasy with you and decided I can't pass judgements.
Randomize
