I'll forget this but out at 4am with a lesbian model at lil waynes bday party for the record
Showering in the handicapped shower. Im THAT hungover.
What are the odds of finding the one hot Australian dude with erecile dysfunction?
well considering we left the bathroom with the mirror off the wall, a bloody nose, and clothes all messed up they assume im just a coke whore now..
He started to lose his balance halfway through his "commencement speech" at the top of the staircase. The rest is bloody, profanity-laiden history.
As long as he sees me topless I don't care. Redemption. REEEDDDEMMMPPPTTIIIOOONNNNN
They evidently had to pull his penis out of me while we were passed out on the floor.
Curled up in the fetal position, trying not to throw up or think about my future, and humming songs from musicals to myself. You?
Ok so last thing I remember was hugging a cop while vomiting
Dude they're making a condom for people who have no feeling in their penises that will make them able to have an orgasm. I love science
Why do guys insist on chatting me up this early in the morning? I'm just like "Dude, I look like the bastard child of Einstein and a troll doll. Let me eat my Hot Pocket in peace."
I'm eating cereal out of a cocktail shaker. That kind of blizzard.
However, pretty glad I spent the night puking on my car instead of fucking him. Then I'd REALLY be miserable.
For future reference: bathtub full of cheeseburgers = win.
I should have robbed the cradle years ago. Turns out 21 year old boys can cum and still fuck me silly a minute later. My vagina feels like it just won a car from Oprah!
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