I just accidently deleted 60 gigs of porn from my external hard drive. Thats over 300 pornos! I think im gonna cry.
Im surprised that you are even able to text me right now.
they just dont make restraining orders like they used to.
im giving 12 year olds life advice. this is probably illegal somewhere.
Do fat girls normaly have fat that look like a penis by their pussy?
What the hell did you do last night?!
Family of uber douches all wearing ed hardy in a hummer taking up 2 parking spots at starbucks. Please be more cliche
There's just something about sucking a flaccid dick that makes me feel so calm. Like a baby cow..
I'm hungover and surrounded by children and Republicans. What did I do to deserve this?
Who am I sleeping next to in your bed? Where are you? Also when are you coming home... I need coffee.
There is not enough soap in the world to make me feel clean after last night. Im gonna need jesus for this one
Like I want to yell at him for pissing on my floor but there's still a chance its my pee....
I accused him of not drinking enough alcohol and eating tacos after midnight. I was sober and he's not a gremlin. I would say bad.
he never texted me back from last night. i think brining out the suction cup dildo was a mistake
I've never SEEN someone give negative fucks before. It's actually rather impressive. I want to study under them.
All I remember is being lured out to sit by the fire by you holding a piece of pizza in front of me
But like, I don't remember getting hit with the door... I just come out from peeing and there was blood running down my face.
Randomize
